


Voltron Emergency Chat™

by Powerhh



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 's just a few pics rn but there will be more in future chapters!, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Illustrated, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Karaoke, Multi, Self-Indulgent, art in the fic!!!!, chat fic, i cant believe im writing ANOTHER chat fic someone should seriously stop me, literally one sentence of the implied past child abuse but better safe than sorry, more ships and tags will be added as i write, rated T for language and some implied sexual content, shiro is a meme who hides behind proper punctuation, there will probably be some angst but like not more than 5 seconds of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-02-03 14:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12750639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powerhh/pseuds/Powerhh
Summary: ShiroaddedKeith, Lance, Pidge, Hunk, AlluraandCoranto the chatShironamed the chatVoltron Emergency ChatShiro: I realized that we probably should have a group chat to keep track of each other in case our helmets are malfunctioning or somethingAllura: An emergency chat! Good plan, Shiro!Coran: Always thinking like a great leader!Shiro: I mean, I guess it could be used if you need to find someone in the castle as well, but it’s mainly an emergency chat.Lancechanged nickname toblue loverboyShiro: ..or, the group chat fic featuring a some kids, a dad and two space elves trying to defend the universe from a crazy big purple cat dude bro who's not really a bro while they're still trying to have a good time.





	1. the apocalypse is near

**Author's Note:**

> holy fucking shit im back with _another_ fucking chat fic. if you like chat fics and bnha or haikyuu you may have read my bnha chatfic [Yikes™](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11380149/chapters/25480293) or my haikyuu chatfic [Regrets™](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10163207/chapters/22576097) but if you havent and you're new to my chatfics, get ready for: memes, karaoke nights, cascada, a lot of high school musical and some pretty gay times.
> 
> i actually watched voltron super recently, but i really like it!!!! i've wanted to watch it for a while, but i've seen so much shit happening in the fandom before i even knew what voltron was so i was kind of,,,, actively avoiding watching it or joining the fandom. i bet you all are lovely, but yeah,, the bad parts of the fandom kind of scared me off. 
> 
> an y w a y!!! i really hope you'll enjoy this fic! i basically have the 2nd chapter more or less done already, but after that, i'm not sure how often i'll be able to update. as i said, i have more than 1 chatfic and i have very irregular updating schedules (rip). i feel super inspired by voltron right now though, so i'll hopefully be able to deliver some fun times!!!
> 
> if you like the fic, please leave a comment!!!! comments really motivate me to write more.

**Shiro** added  **Keith, Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Allura** and  **Coran** to the chat

 

**Shiro** named the chat  **Voltron Emergency Chat**

 

Shiro: I realized that we probably should have a group chat to keep track of each other in case our helmets are malfunctioning or something

Allura: An emergency chat! Good plan, Shiro!

Coran: Always thinking like a great leader!

Shiro: I mean, I guess it could be used if you need to find someone in the castle as well, but it’s mainly an emergency chat.

 

**Lance** changed nickname to  **blue loverboy**

 

Shiro: ..

Keith: lance no

blue loverboy: lance yes

 

**Hunk** changed nickname to  **hunk the hunk**

 

blue loverboy: hunk my bo i

blue loverboy: ;^)

hunk the hunk: ;^)

blue loverboy: man you sure are a hunk

Allura: Yes he is..

hunk that hunk:  **!**

Allura: That’s his name, so of course he’s a Hunk??

hunk the hunk:  **¡**

 

**hunk the hunk** changed nickname to  **hulk**

 

Pidge: but  _ i’m _ green

hulk: shit ur right

 

**hulk** changed nickname to  **hunk the hunk**

 

Allura: I do not understand what’s going on.

Shiro: I do and I’m suffering

Keith: same

Pidge: same

blue loverboy: come ooooon guys!!! whats a group chat without nicknames

Pidge: i hate to say this

Pidge: but you’re kind of right

hunk the hunk: pidge admitting lance is right about something??

hunk the hunk: the apocalypse is near

Keith: we’re a group of kids, a dad and two elves trying to defend the universe from an insane cat man who should be dead but isnt and is trying to take over said universe and is on a killing spree

Keith: yes the apocalypse is near

blue loverboy: way to make it too real too fast keef

hunk the hunk: keEF

hunk the hunk: LMAO

Keith: wtf

Pidge: anyway 

blue loverboy: here’s wonderwall?

Pidge: n o

 

**Pidge** changed nickname to  **jimmy neutron**

 

blue loverboy: n i ce

Allura: Who… is Jimmy Neutron?

jimmy neutron: a smart boy

Coran: Oh! Just like you!!

jimmy neutron: yeah man

blue loverboy: shiro and keef you better get your head in the game

Keith: why? because we’re all in this together?

blue loverboy: !!!!!!! i suddenly dislike you a little less

Keith: .. alright

 

**Shiro** changed nickname to  **Mufasa**

 

blue loverboy: is this where keith changes nickname to simba

hunk the hunk: laNCE THAT’S TOO SOON

jimmy neutron: lance holy shit

blue loverboy: itll always be too soon

hunk the hunk: i mean

hunk the hunk: you’re not wrong

hunk the hunk:  _ but that doesn’t mean you have to say it _

jimmy neutron: wouldn’t it be more accurate for shiro to be called winter soldier tho

blue loverboy: lm a o YEAH

Allura: .. Winter Soldier?

jimmy neutral: a dude who everyone thought was dead but returned with a metal arm and ptsd

Coran: Just like Shiro!!

Mufasa: 

Mufasa: I feel attacked

Coran: WHAT? INTRUDERS?? ARE YOU IN DANGER?

Mufasa: Coran. No. That’s not.. what i meant.

Mufasa: Please chill.

Coran: Oh

Coran: Well I may look young but i may not be all that in on the youth lingo these days! 

Mufasa: I’m 25

Coran: Well

Coran: Son

Coran: Besides the being in cryo for 10 000 years I’m also a few hundred years on top of that

Coran: You’re literally a baby

Coran: An actual fetus

Mufasa:

Mufasa: Touché

  
  


**Coran** changed nickname to  **Gorgeous Man**

 

Gorgeous Man: ;^)

jimmy neutron: oh god no he discovered That smiley

Mufasa: Nice ;^)

jimmy neutron: dad did you fucking do this

Mufasa: Language!

jimmy neutron: i do whatever i want

Mufasa: Fair enough

jimmy neutron: answer my question tho

Mufasa: Yes

jimmy neutron: yes what

Mufasa: Yes, I introduced That smiley to Coran

jimmy neutron: why this

Mufasa: ;^)

Gorgeous Man: ;^)

 

jimmy neutron:  _ @everyone  _ get over here we’re playing go fish  

jimmy neutron: prepare to get wrecked

blue loverboy: OH IT’S ON

Gorgeous Man: Go Fish! I’m a  _ beast _ when it comes to Go Fish!

jimmy neutron: you know what it is?

Gorgeous Man: Of course!!!

jimmy neutron: out of all things that could be universal

jimmy neutron: go fish is

Gorgeous Man: Sure seems like it!

jimmy neutron: nice

hunk the hunk: i dont want to play if lance is playing

Mufasa: Why

hunk the hunk: not to be like that but 

hunk the hunk: lance is a terrible loser

blue loverboy: hEY IM NOT

hunk the hunk: and he’s even more terrible at go fish

jimmy neutron: how are you terrible at go fish

hunk the hunk: idK ASK LANCE

blue loverboy: DONT BE RUDE

hunk the hunk: dude!!

hunk the hunk: you literally threw ALL the cards on the floor the last time we played because you kept losing miserably!!!

blue loverboy: i slipped

hunk the hunk: no you didn’t

blue loverboy: y u always lyin stop fucking lyin

Allura: Perhaps we can play a few at a time? Lance starts and Hunk is in the second round!

hunk the hunk: yeah that works

blue loverboy: fineee

 

jimmy neutron: petition to officially ban lance from playing during go fish night

jimmy neutron: signed

hunk the hunk: we have a go fish night?

jimmy neutron: now we do

hunk the hunk: ok 

hunk the hunk: signed

Mufasa: signed

Keith: signed

Allura: signed

Gorgeous Man: signed 

blue loverboy: all these haters ;///

blue loverboy: if you cant handle me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best ;///   
  


blue loverboy: keith move over i need more room on the couch

Keith: no

blue loverboy: i need more room to lie down im going to fucking put my head in your lap if you dont move over 

Keith: fuck off

blue loverboy:  _ alright then _

 

**< Shiro started a Private Chat with Keith>**

 

Shiro: So.

Shiro: ;^)

Keith: what

Shiro: Lance, huh?

Keith: wh a t

Shiro: You like him.

Keith: i don’t hate him. i like him as a team member and i see him as a valuable paladin of voltron.

Shiro: Yeah. 

Shiro: But you  _ like _ like him. 

Keith: 

Keith: ..

Keith: no

Shiro: I can see you across the room and that is one hell of a blush you’ve got going on there

Keith:  _ he’s literally lying w his head in my lap what should i do i can feel his breath on my stomach im dying _

Shiro: lmao

Keith: this isnT FUNNY SEND HELP

Shiro: It’s actually hilarious

Shiro: You could also have, you know, moved over when he asked you to.

Keith: i didn’t think he’d actually do it

Shiro: You sure you didn’t stay on purpose? ;^)

Keith: BYE

Shiro: Stop denying your gay feelings for Lance

Keith: no.

Shiro: So you admit that you have gay feelings for Lance

Keith:  **no.**

Shiro: Sounds fake but ok.

Keith: i may be gay but  _ i’m  _ **_not_ ** _ gay for lance _

Shiro:  [ Why you always lying ](https://youtu.be/WcWM_1hBu_c?t=31)

Keith:  _ unfriended, blocked and reported _

 

**< Back to the Voltron Emergency Chat>**

  
  


jimmy neutron: i got an idea of how to take out a galra fleet

Allura: Do tell

hunk the hunk: i sense memes

jimmy neutron: :)

blue loverboy: im in

jimmy neutron: you dont know the idea yet

blue loverboy: i know and i dont care im in

jimmy neutron: what if i told you my idea involved a strip tease and drag???

blue loverboy: id still do it

jimmy neutron: well then

blue loverboy: are you about to tell me that im actually going to do a strip tease in drag

jimmy neutron: lmao no

blue loverboy: aw

jimmy neutron: anyway

jimmy neutron: this idea won’t actually harm the galra ships in any way but i think it’ll be a bit of a distraction and a disruption for them and give us some extra time to shoot ‘em down

Mufasa: Oh?

jimmy neutron: has anyone seen star trek beyond

hunk the hunk:  _ oh my god i know what you’re thinking and i’m liking it _

Allura: Star Trek..?

jimmy neutron: we can educate you on star trek later it’s not relevant right now to understand the idea

jimmy neutron: basically

jimmy neutron: what if we jammed the radio signals the galras use to communicate with the other ships and then did some good ol’ hacking and started blasting some loud music in their ships

jimmy neutron: it’d disrupt so much shit

Allura: ..

Allura: That’s actually

Allura: An amazing idea

Gorgeous Man: I’m fairly sure we can have all the necessary things set up by the time we meet the next galra fleet. If we’re lucky.

jimmy neutron: let’s fucking do it

hunk the hunk: hell yeAH

Allura: What song should we play though? 

Keith: a recording of lance singing la bamba? that’s annoying enough

hunk the hunk: as funny as that would be

hunk the hunk: i think we need something more

hunk the hunk: Loud

Keith: louder than lance? yikes

blue loverboy: i am literally IN the chat

blue loverboy: i can  _ see _ what youre writing!

Keith: good

blue loverboy: ;^/

hunk the hunk: wait hold on i don't think we need to think abt it too much

hunk the hunk: lance can we use that playlist you blast in the training room??

blue loverboy: .. what playlist??

hunk the hunk: ??? the one?? w tons of nicki minaj, cascada, lady gaga and katy perry??

blue loverboy: theyre all queens but i dont blast cascada in the training room

hunk the hunk: 

hunk the hunk: who the fuck

Keith:

 

**Keith** left the chat

 

hunk the hunk: NO W AY

blue loverboy: k E EF???

blue loverboy: KEITH LIKES THE QUEENS??? WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS IM ASDFGHFDS

blue loverboy: GET BACK HERE YOU MULLET EDGE LORD

 

**blue loverboy** added  **Keith** to  **Voltron Emergency Chat**

 

blue loverboy: i cant believe you didnt tell me 

blue loverboy: we couldVE HAD A Bonding Moment™ 

Keith: cradling you in my arms doesn’t count as a bonding moment but liking nicki minaj does?

blue loverboy: yes

Keith: well then.

jimmy neutron: anyway now that youve had your bonding moment

blue loverboy: Bonding Moment™ 

jimmy neutron: whatever

jimmy neutron: we need to pick a song to blast when we fuck w a galra fleet

Keith: everytime we touch by cascada

blue loverboy: i usually dont agree w the mullet boy but holy shit yes lets blast everytime we touch 


	2. [incoherent screaming in spanish]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hunk the hunk: nut ban sounds So Bad especially out of context

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! im finally back with a new chapter!!!! it took a lil while longer than i expected to get around to post this, but the good thing about that is that i already have the 3rd chapter more or less done!! ;^)

Allura: What is this…. language?? Who is yelling?

hunk the hunk: oh that’s lance

Allura: And.. what is he yelling?

hunk the hunk: idk it’s in spanish

Allura: Is he in trouble? Do you think he needs help??

hunk the hunk: i heard ‘mierda’ so i’m assuming he stubbed his toe or got stuck with his hand in a sliding door

Allura: ….Got stuck with his hand in a sliding door?

hunk the hunk: lance is many things 

hunk the hunk: graceful is not one of them

Allura: So the human race has multiple languages depending on where on the globe you’re living?

hunk the hunk: yeah that’s right!

Allura: Do all of you speak different languages than this standard language??

jimmy neutron: im italian so i obviously speak italian

hunk the hunk: samoan ;^)

jimmy neutron: holy shit lance is still going

Allura: Are you sure we shouldn’t check up on him..?

jimmy neutron: hold on

Allura: Did Pidge just go over there to yell at him in her language

hunk the hunk: sure sounds like it

Allura The languages,,, sound the same

hunk the hunk: dont say that to their faces they’ll be upset

hunk the hunk: (i agree tho)

Allura: The screaming stopped

jimmy neutron: his hand was stuck in a sliding door and he dropped his phone so he couldn’t ask for help

jimmy neutron: what a fucking idiot

Keith: lance you amaze me

blue loverboy: oh? ;^))

Keith: yeah

Keith: whenever i think you can’t get more stupid you never fail to prove me wrong 

blue loverboy: im blocking out the hate and focusing on the fact that you called me amazing

Allura: By the way, what language does Shiro speak?

Mufasa: Oh, I speak japanese.

blue loverboy: shiro talk dirty to me in japanese

Mufasa: I can quote the entire Sailor Moon opening for you in japanese if you’d like

blue loverboy: yeah thats what im talking about mmmm ye

jimmy neutron: why the fuck do you know the entire sailor moon opening 

Mufasa: Priorities.

jimmy neutron: ah

Gorgeous Man. What about Keith? Does he speak another language?

blue loverboy: yeah

blue loverboy: texan

Mufasa: Lm a o

jimmy neutron: holy  f u ck 

hunk the hunk:  FU  C K ASDFGDS LNA C E THAT’S TOO REAL

Keith: bye

Keith: also

Keith: how the fuck did you know i lived in texas

blue loverboy: i know you’re originally korean but you lived in america for most of you life right

blue loverboy: i pay attention when we talk dude

jimmy neutron: do you know any korean

Keith: nope

jimmy neutron: aw ;/

Keith: the only korean i know is limited to kpop lyrics

hunk the hunk: you liSTEN TO KPOP

Keith: we already established that i listen to nicki minaj and katy perry is it really that hard to imagine that i listed to girl’s generation as well

hunk the hunk: alright but Out Of All The Bands

hunk the hunk: snsd is your band of choice

Keith: theyre queens

hunk the hunk: fair enough

blue loverboy: speaking of music

blue loverboy: ive never heard keith spar while listening to music so

blue loverboy: does this mean that keith is jamming out to nicki minaj while  _ lifting  _

Keith: yeah

blue loverboy: shit im gay

blue loverboy: i mean

blue loveboy: uh

blue loverboy: gay as in happy

hunk the hunk: k

jimmy neutron: k

Mufasa: k

Allura: k

Gorgeous Man: k

jimmy neutron: btw

jimmy neutron: i always imagined that keith would listen to something  _ edgier _

Keith: what

Keith: like the edge band?

jimmy neutron: that’s a terrible joke you didn’t even try 

Keith: no i mean

Keith: the Actual nepali band 

Keith: called “the edge band”

Keith:  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJiHAks_Z_k ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJiHAks_Z_k)

Keith: a legit band

jimmy neutron: IM FUCKING CHOKING 

hunk the hunk: ALRIGHT BUT LIKE HOW DO YOU KNW ABT THEM

Keith: theyre pretty sharp

hunk the hunk: F U C K 

jimmy neutron: bye

Mufasa: Keith I'm disowning you

blue loverboy: keith thats a terrible joke

blue loverboy: marry me please

blue loverboy: but like 

blue loverboy: no homo

hunk the hunk: no homio my bromio

Keith: uh

 

blue loverboy: man i just remembered shit that happened in school long ago and im laughigng

hunk the hunk: do tell

blue loverboy: alright so

blue loverboy: my school banned nuts in the building because of allergies right 

hunk the hunk: yeah obv

blue loverboy: but there was this one time

blue loverboy: when i overheard some yelling at the principals office 

blue loverboy: it wasnt a teacher and the principal wasnt yelling so i assumed it was someones mom

hunk the hunk: why was she yelling

blue loverboy: first i didnt really hear what she was saying but then i heard something about coconuts and i was Intrigued

hunk the hunk: oh my god no i have a feeling that i know where this is going

blue loverboy: apparently

blue loverboy: this woman was Extremely upset

blue loverboy: because of the nut ban

hunk the hunk: nut ban sounds So Bad especially out of context

blue loverboy: lm  a o 

blue loverboy: anyway

blue loverboy: apparently she was upset about the Nut Ban

blue loverboy: because she wanted to let her son bring a coconut to school as snack

jimmy neutron: wait 

jimmy neutron: wait hold on

jimmy neutron: coconuts aren’t actual nuts

blue loverboy: no but apparently this woman didnt get the memo

blue loverboy: so pleaSE IMAGINE A WOMAN YELLING IN EXTREMELY FAST PACED SPANISH

blue loverboy: ABO UT  HOW IT IS HER SONS  _ RIGHT _ TO BRING COCONUTS TO SCHOOL

blue loverboy: BUT HE  _ CANT _ BECAUSE OF THE  **NUT BAN**

hunk the hunk:  H OW WOULD HE OPEN AN ENTRE COCONUT IN SCHOOL THOUGH????

blue loverboy:  _ I  D ONT KN  OW _

blue loverboy: MAYBE SHE DIDNT MEAN AN ENTIRE COCONUT BUT THATS WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE WHEN SHE WAS RANTING

hunk the hunk: SERIOUSLY THOUGH HOW WOULD HE OPEN THE COCONUT

blue loverboy:  _ I HAVE NO FUKCING IDEA AND I NEVER GOT TO KNOW _

  
  
  


**Keith** changed nickname to  **troy boltron**

 

hunk the hunk: BOL _ TRON _

blue loverboy: IS THAT A HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL REFERENCE MIXED WITH VOLTRON

troy boltron: yeah

Mufasa: Boltron is the perfect combination of teenage angst, terrible haircuts and wild cats 

hunk the hunk: holy shit

jimmy neutron: are we,,,, going to talk about the wildcats part of that

jimmy neutron: or the fact that shiro just threw shade on keith’s mullet

hunk the hunk: to be fair

hunk the hunk: we ARE piloting wild space robot cats

jimmy neutron: adsfgfds

blue loverboy: hsm references and terrible word puns????

blue loverboy: keith i think i love you

hunk the hunk: lance wait no

troy boltron: 

troy boltron: 

Allura: Why did Keith just run through the corridor like he was being chased by 6 galras while hiding his face in his hands?

hunk the hunk: read the convo

Allura: Lance…….. no.

blue loverboy: what! what did i do!!

Allura: Well…….

jimmy neutron: dont tell him

blue loverboy: why is shiro giving me the Disappointed Father Glare™ 

Mufasa: Because I  _ am _ a disappointed father

Mufasa: Or a disappointed big brother I guess

Mufasa: Your pick. The only relevant part is that I’m disappointed.

blue loverboy: i dont un d e r stand wHY

Mufasa: Figure it out.

 

< **Pidge** invited  **Shiro, Hunk, Allura and Coran** to the chat >

 

< **Pidge** named the chat  **If Keith Looks At Lance With That Lovesick Expression One More Time I Will Seriously Stab Myself In The Eyeball With A Fork Please Let’s Make Sure They Get Together™** >

 

Hunk: that is one long ass name

Pidge: operation iklalwtleomtiwssmitewafplmstgt for short

Hunk: yeah

Hunk: that’s not better

Pidge: oh yeah sorry i forgot the trademark symbol

Pidge: operation iklalwtleomtiwssmitewafplmstgt™ 

Coran: Oh that is perfect!

Hunk: how is THAT perfect in any way

Coran: It’s ancient altean for emotional constipation

Hunk: holy shit

Pidge: im fucking la ughing that’s tOO GOOD

Allura: I have to agree with the full name though, Lance and Keith’s pining is starting to physically hurt me.

Shiro: Same.

Hunk: so how are we going to make sure they get together?

Pidge: i mean

Pidge: lance already said he loves keith but keith obviously thought it was a joke

Hunk: i know lance and that wasn’t a joke he just disguised it as a joke because he’s afraid to get hurt

Shiro: Oh my god they’re so dumb.

Pidge: i’m glad you’re finally realizing that

Allura: And then Keith ran out of the room because he was flustered and also frustrated.

Pidge: seems about right

Allura:  Oh my lord,,

Hunk: ikr

Coran: Well as much as I’d love to keep this conversation going. We’ve got some company. 

Shiro: Galra ships?

Coran: Yes.

Shiro: Shit. Alright, let’s go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked this chapter!!!! i'm having such a great time writing this fic and i have so many ideas for future chapters!
> 
> please leave a comment if you liked the chapter!! comments Really motivate me to write more! i had a pretty terrible day today so a little positivity would be pretty cool,,,,,,,,, 
> 
> anywAY. thank you for reading, i'll to post the next chapter pretty soon!!!!


	3. in which the chat is used for its original purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmy neutron: i can't fucking believe you quote linkin park when you’re dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!!!!!!! ive gotten so much positive response on this fic and!!!! i am so happy you guys like it aaaaaaaaa!!!! this fic is a lot of fun to write and i just keep getting stupid ideas, so i'll hopefully be able to post some more chapters before i start posting really irregularly. the next chapter is basically done already tbh.
> 
> this chapter?? is btw like?? a lil angsty?? i mentioned like 5 seconds of angst in the tags and here they are lmao. but yeah, a fair warning: there are some mentions of people dying and mentions of injuries etc. no one dies though and everything is fine dont worry!!!!!!! i just needed this chapter to finally get a _thing_ to happen,,, ;^))))))))))

troy boltron: guys

jimmy neutron: THERE YOU ARE

hunk the hunk: OH MY GOD KEITH WHY ARENT YOU ANSWERING IN YOUR COMMUNICATOR

troy boltron: helmet’s broken

Mufasa: What.

Mufasa: Keith where are you? Is the mission compromised?

troy boltron: i managed to get to the main control room and lock myself inside to unlock all the other doors of the ship

troy boltron: the mission isn’t compromised you can save the prisoners

Mufasa: That’s great. Get back to the ship and we’ll get out of here.

troy boltron: cant

Mufasa: What do you mean

troy boltron: i cant get back to the ship

Mufasa: Why?

Mufasa: Keith:

Mufasa: Keith!

Mufasa: Keith what’s going on?

troy boltron: guess someone is finally using the chat for its original purpose eh

troy boltron: i got shot and i cant move

hunk the hunk: YOU WHAT

blue loverboy: HW THETUFCK KEITH

Mufasa: Give me your exact coordinates, I’ll come and get you.

troy boltron: i uh

troy boltron: idk

Allura: Give me a moment to lock onto your position. Lance! You’re going with Shiro, cover him and help him retrieve Keith.

blue loverboy: on it

Mufasa: On it.

Allura: Keith, I need you to stay awake until they find you. Can you do that?

troy boltron: ill try

troy boltron: head’s a little fuzzy tho

Allura: Describe your injuries. Stay awake.

troy boltron: uh

troy boltron: my shoulder is probably dislocated

troy boltron: i cant feel much

troy boltron: ‘s probably because i got shot in the stomach

troy boltron: ive got some major blood loss going on here

hunk the hunk: YOU WHAT

troy boltron: i also got shot in the leg

troy boltron: ive become so numb

troy boltron: i cant feel you there

troy boltron: become so tired

jimmy neutron: i can't fucking believe you quote linkin park when you’re dying

hunk the hunk: jesus christ keith,,,,,

Mufasa: We’re almost there, hold on.

troy boltron: uhuh

 

hunk the hunk: do you have keith with you

Mufasa: Yes, we’re on our way. Keith is still breathing, please prepare a healing pod.

Gorgeous Man: On it.

hunk the hunk: where is lance???

Mufasa: He’s cradling Keith in his arms.

jimmy neutron: that’s gay

Mufasa: It’s extremely gay.

Mufasa: Lance literally pushed me away when I was going to carry Keith because he insisted on doing it himself.

hunk the hunk: bridal style?

Mufasa: Bridal style.

jimmy neutron: is lance even capable of carrying keith??

hunk the hunk: he’s actually much stronger than he looks

jimmy neutron: ah

Mufasa: Oh my god Keith is doing the delirious death talk

jimmy neutron: i want this transcribed

Mufasa: Black is on autopilot, I can do it. Hold on.

Mufasa: Tbh I want to be close if his condition turns even more critical.

Mufasa: “Keith holy shit stay with me”

jimmy neutron: it’s already so gay and cliché holy shit  
Mufasa: “Hey Lance, if I die I need you to know a thing.”

hunk the hunk: oh no im going to cry

Mufasa: Don’t cry, he will be alright. As soon as we’re there, we’ll get him into a healing pod and then he will be alright.

jimmy neutron: shiro!!! what are they saying

Mufasa: Oh shit. Right!

Mufasa: “I can’t believe you’re doing this right now what the fuck save it for when you’re healed”

Mufasa: “I’ve never hated you Lance.”

Mufasa: “Keith don’t fucking do this to me right now”

hunk the hunk: this would be much sweeter if keith wasn’t literally dying

Mufasa: “Hey Lance. I think I love you.”

Mufasa: My boy said it.

jimmy neutron: fucking finally

hunk the hunk: hoLY SHIT???????

Allura: Y E S

hunk the hunk: what is happening now?????

Mufasa: Keith said that he loves Lance and then he passed out. He still has a pulse and he’s still breathing but he needs to get into a healing pod asap.

jimmy neutron: i can’t believe he said that he loves him and then passed out holy shit

Mufasa: Lance is flipping out.

hunk the hunk: me too

Mufasa: Don’t worry

 

Mufasa: Keith is in a healing pod and he’ll be fine.

hunk the hunk: god bless altea

hunk the hunk: where is lance?

Mufasa: Where do you think?

hunk the hunk: still hasn’t left keith’s side?

Mufasa: Nope.

jimmy neutron: well

jimmy neutron: looks like operation iklalwtleomtiwssmitewafplmstgt™ was a success

hunk the hunk: but,,,, we didn’t do anything

jimmy neutron: very true but they got together in the end and that was the goal

hunk the hunk: fair enough

Mufasa: They haven’t actually gotten together yet though……….. Lance still hasn’t had the chance to tell Keith that he loves him back.

jimmy neutron: holy shit you’re right

hunk the hunk: if they start dancing around the topic again i’ll seriously lock them in a room and not let them out until they’ve kissed

Mufasa: Should we let them have a Bonding Moment™ when Keith comes out of the pod?

hunk the hunk: we probably should but i want to hug our resident edgelord and yell at him for almost dying

Mufasa: Fair enough.

Allura: The healing cycle is done, you can go down there to greet him!

hunk the hunk: ni c e

Allura: Wait hold on

jimmy neutron: what

Allura: I think you guys want to wait for a moment before you go there,,,,

hunk the hunk: ???? w hy

Allura: There are security cameras in the more open areas of the ship and well,,,,

Allura: Trust me when I say that you probably don’t want to see what’s going on right now

jimmy neutron: they’re kissing aren’t they

Allura: More like trying to eat each others faces but, yes, I guess.

jimmy neutron: o

hunk the hunk: well at least they got together

Allura: Ok, actually, can someone interrupt them? I’m afraid Keith is going to injure himself again.

Mufasa: Jesus fucking christ

Mufasa: I’ll go, hold on.

 

Mufasa: I want to bleach my eyes

blue loverboy: you know

blue loverboy: im not even sorry

troy boltron: i am so sorry shiro

Mufasa: Are you really

troy boltron: lmao no

hunk the hunk: Local Space Dad Scarred For Life

Mufasa:

Mufasa: You do realize I have a scar across my face

Mufasa: So like

Mufasa: You’re not wrong

hunk the hunk: asdfghjkhgfdsasdfgh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> klance! is! finally! happening!  
> get ready for the space adventures taking a turn for the gayer. 
> 
> comments Give Me Life and really motivates me so like,,, leave a comment if you like the fic?? ;^)
> 
> oh yeah you're btw totally welcome to hmu on [tumblr](http://powerhh.tumblr.com/) if you wanna hang out and chat w me or whatever!


	4. furries and singing space dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blue loverboy: if keith is a galra,,,, doesnt that make him a furry,,,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaa im back at it again w the writing! i feel really good about this chapter and really hope you guys will enjoy it!!!!
> 
> there is a suprise for y'all in this chapter!!!!! [spoiler: It's Art. i made some art that im using in the fic so yeAH!! get ready for Some Art!!!!!]

blue loverboy: i just realized something

jimmy neutron: what

blue loverboy: if keith is galra

troy boltron: half-galra

blue loverboy: yeah whatever

blue loverboy: if keith is a galra,,,, doesnt that make him a furry,,,,,

hunk the hunk: holy shit

jimmy neutron: are you trying to tell me that we’re trying to to take down the furry empire and your boyfriend is half-furry

blue loverboy: yeah. basically.

Mufasa: _Zarkon, when he sees Voltron_ : OwO What’s this?

hunk the hunk: shIRO DONT GO THERE

jimmy neutron: alright but hold on

jimmy neutron: if keith is a furry

jimmy neutron: wouldn’t that mean lance has a furry kink

hunk the hunk: lm a o thaT BACKFIRED FOR LANCE

blue loverboy: w a it nO ho  l d on

jimmy neutron: you called your own boyfriend a furry im just stating the facts here man

hunk the hunk: imfucking c r yging

blue loverboy: N O  W A IT

troy boltron: lance im breaking up with you

blue loverboy: nO TAKEBACKS

troy boltron: shit

blue loverboy: yeah man youre fucking stuck with me

troy boltron: i made a terrible mistake

 

blue loverboy: btw ive been thinking

jimmy neutron: how rare

hunk the hunk: don’t hurt yourself

blue loverboy: DONT BE RUDE

blue loverboy: anyway

blue loverboy: how come we have access to stuff on the _earth_ internet when we are in deep space

jimmy neutron: because i fucking cheated the system

jimmy neutron: did you really think i couldn’t fix some wifi for us with altean magic and space technology

blue loverboy: ait thats fair

blue loverboy: but still

blue loverboy: _how_

jimmy neutron: you know how we can get signals from different planets and shit when they’re sending out distress calls and how we also can communicate with each other and the castle w our communicators and shit

blue loverboy: yeah

jimmy neutron: we don’t have that kind of tech on earth so it made it slightly more difficult since we can’t connect our stuff to any of that

jimmy neutron: i had to build so much shit to get something as basic as wifi

hunk the hunk: wifi isn't that simple if you’re in deep space and you want a connection to a planet that’s galaxies away tho

jimmy neutron: i had to do some other shit as well

blue loverboy: you used ancient space robot cat magic?

jimmy neutron: yes i used ancient space robot cat magic

jimmy neutron: anyway the stuff we get is like a year old compared to the shit on earth because i hacked multiple satellites and redirected some data over here

jimmy neutron: fuck you garrison

blue loverboy: hell yeah

hunk the hunk: doeS THAT MEAN I CAN CONTACT MY MOM

jimmy neutron: no sorry hunk

jimmy neutron: sending messages and uploading shit is completely useless tho because it takes far too long time to travel

jimmy neutron: we’d have to be closer to earth

hunk the hunk: ok that’s fair

 

jimmy neutron: hey lance is this you [ https://youtu.be/kCODstESnjw?t=63 ](https://youtu.be/kCODstESnjw?t=63)

blue loverboy: i dont know if im supposed to be offended or honored tbh

troy boltron: what the actual fuck

blue loverboy: hey pidge

jimmy neutron: oh no

blue loverboy: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tB5mYKBg9I ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tB5mYKBg9I)

blue loverboy: is this you

jimmy neutron: l e a  v e

hunk the hunk: holy shit,,,,,,

jimmy neutron: tbh tho

jimmy neutron: this is where i’m supposed to deny that shit

jimmy neutron: but you fucking _know_ i do hand gestures like that all the time

blue loverboy: lm a o yeah

jimmy neutron: matt is worse

Mufasa: I agree

Mufasa: He straight up knocked a glass of water out of my hand because he got excited when he was explaining a science thing

jimmy neutron: lm a o

jimmy neutron: that sure sounds like my idiot brother

 

jimmy neutron: i AM CYRIGNG SHI R O ARE YOU FOR REAL

Mufasa: YOU DID NOT SEE THAT

jimmy neutron: I HAVE ACTUAL FOOTAGE

Mufasa: _PHOTOSHOP_

hunk the hunk: dude,,,, the rest of us also saw it

Mufasa: Nope it was a trick of light

blue loverboy: we could Hear you singing tho

Mufasa: Ghosts in the 10000 years old Alien Castle Spaceship? More likely than you’d think

blue loverboy: shiro you know i respect you and look up to you

blue loverboy: but dont come here and try to talk your way out of explaining why we found you singing _you spin me round (like a record)_

Mufasa: It’s

Mufasa: A really good song

hunk the hunk: the man has a point

Mufasa: Lance you sing stuff all the time why are you asking why _I_ did it

blue loverboy: because its so surreal to see you doing it

jimmy neutron: im honestly more surprised about that high pitched scream he did when he noticed us

Mufasa: Do Not Startle A Man With Bad PTSD

Mufasa: This all sounds extremely fake though.

Mufasa: I can’t believe my Own Team is coming up with outrageous stories to make their lion king look bad ;^/

hunk the hunk: (is anyone going to mention the fact that he just referred to himself as the lion king???)

jimmy neutron: (well his nickname is mufasa so why not)

jimmy neutron: shiro i will upload the video i got and play it on every screen in this ship

Allura: Oh! Shiro why are you denying that lovely singing?

Mufasa: You weren’t even there…..

jimmy neutron: SO YOU ADMIT IT

Mufasa: YOU WEREN’T THERE _THEORETICALLY_

jimmy neutron: LM A O

Allura: Oh but Shiro, you’re forgetting! We have security cameras in all common and public areas of the ship! I have footage of the entire thing!

Mufasa: Dear god no.

jimmy neutron: SEND IT ALLURA GIVE IT TO ME

Allura: Give me a second!

blue loverboy: im getting concerned with how much blackmail material pidge has on literally everyone

jimmy neutron: ;^)

troy boltron: she doesn’t have much blackmail material on me though

jimmy neutron: that’s what You Think

troy boltron: ,,,,, what

jimmy neutron: it’s actually hilarious! because i used to have like. literally no dirt on you keith!

troy boltron: i’m sensing a “but” here

jimmy neutron: _but_ ever since you started dating that cuban idiot i’ve gotten So Much More

troy boltron:

troy boltron: Dear God No.

Allura: And here it is, in all its glory!

Allura: [[CommonArea4.mp4](http://powerhh.tumblr.com/post/168198301628/i-have-no-excuse)]

jimmy neutron: thank you allura

Mufasa: Allura _why_

Allura: ;)

hunk the hunk: alright so now that im actually watching this instead of experiencing it first hand

hunk the hunk: i just realized Just How Gay keith and lance are

jimmy neutron: oh my goD ARE YOU WEARING EACH OTHERS SHIRTS WHAT THE FUCK GUYS

troy boltron: i can explain

blue loverboy: we were

blue loverboy: uh

blue loverboy: netflix and chilling

blue loverboy: in my room and then pidge yelled in the comms to that we had to get there asap so we just grabbed the first best clothes

troy boltron: i can’t believe you just used “netflix and chilling” as an actual verb what the fuck lance

blue loverboy: fuck lance indeed

troy boltron: i'm breaking up with you

 

blue loverboy: we should have a karaoke night

troy boltron: no we shouldn’t

blue loverboy: dont be boring babe

troy boltron: i’m not boring

blue loverboy: k

hunk the hunk: IM IN FOR A KARAOKE NIGHT

Mufasa: Same

jimmy neutron: yeah sure why not

blue loverboy: babe its 4 against one

Gorgeous Man: I’d also like to join

Allura: Me too!

blue loverboy: nvm 6 against 1

blue loverboy: get your head in the game keef

troy boltron: my head _is_ in the game you’re the one wanting to do stupid shit

blue loverboy: maybe your heads in the game

blue loverboy: but im pretty sure your hearts in the song

troy boltron: i can’t believe you’re quoting hsm on me

blue loverboy: _youre the one w the hsm name_

troy boltron: touché

hunk the hunk: are we doing a karaoke night for real though please say we are???

blue loverboy: hell yeah we are

hunk the hunk: allura is it cool if me and pidge tinker w the monitors and speakers in the common room to fix something that resembles karaoke equipment

Allura: Oh no, that won’t be necessary. We already have equipment like that in the castle! You can even transfer music from your earth internet or your,,, what did you call them,, shellphones?

hunk the hunk: cellphones

Allura: Close enough.

Allura: Oh, this is going to be so much fun!

jimmy neutron: i can’t believe karaoke is universal

hunk the hunk: anyone can have fun and get together and sing anywhere in the universe

blue loverboy: hell yes

blue loverboy: im excited to make keith sing

troy boltron: i’m not going to sing

blue loverboy: i guess we ll see ;^)))

troy boltron: i don’t sing

blue loverboy: dw you dont have to be able to sing its about having a good time

troy boltron: i don’t want to

blue loverboy: you dont want to have a good time? sorry babe you signed up for a good time when you decided to date me

troy boltron: Regrets™

blue loverboy: are you afraid to sing in front of ppl is that the problem

troy boltron: no

blue loverboy: are you sure? ;^)))

troy boltron: yes

blue loverboy: you sound a lil scared

troy boltron: i know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work this time

blue loverboy: lmao i bet youre scared because your singing is terrible

blue loverboy: dw babe i got you ill sing nicely for the both of us

troy boltron: alright that’s it i’ll fucking sing

blue loverboy: <3

jimmy neutron: lm a o

hunk the hunk: well

hunk the hunk: i hope you guys like shakira

Mufasa: Why? Are you going to sing a lot of Shakira?

hunk the hunk: no but basically all of lance’s go-to karaoke songs are by shakira

Mufasa: O

jimmy neutron: Yikes™

troy boltron: i’m ready to suffer i guess

hunk the hunk: well,,,,,,,

blue loverboy: dont tell them hunk

hunk the hunk: ok ok

jimmy neutron: what

blue loverboy: youll find out on the karaoke night ;^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: **the Karaoke Night™.** If you have read any of my other chat fics, you've probably noticed that,,, karaoke nights Is A Thing I Do In All of My Chatfics,,,,, so yeah,,, _It's Time._
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the chapter!!! if you want to check out the small comic with shiro singing etc, you can find it [right here on my tumblr!](http://powerhh.tumblr.com/post/168198301628/i-have-no-excuse) i drew the entire comic today, and it was originally only meant to be the first picture because i was going to use it in this fic?? but then i got really inspired and ended up drawing a full colored comic,,,,,, whoops. if you wanna support me and my art, please consider reblogging and liking it! ;^)
> 
> comments give me so much life!!! so if you wanna motivate me to write some more, leave a comment if you feel like it! thanks for reading!!


	5. The Karaoke Night™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmy neutron: man this sounds like possible blackmail material and i fully support you doing this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!!!!! i'm back with a new chapter because iT'S TIME FOR THE KARAOKE NIGHT CHAPTER!!! woooo! man i love writing karaoke night chapters, which is obvious if youve read my other chatfics since i,, you know,,, have some kind of karaoke night in all my main chatifcs lm a o. and hooooo boii this chapter is much longer than my usual chapters. my normal chapters for all my chatfics are like,,,, 1k-1.4k words,,,,,,, this chapter is like,,,, 3.9k words. oof. i was on a roll ok. 
> 
> i link the songs and/or write the title and artist of all the songs used if you wanna listen to the songs while you're reading (i recommend it)! ;^) i really hope y'all enjoy the chapter, i had a blast writing it!!

blue loverboy: im so fucking ready for karaoke i have miSSED karaoke

hunk the hunk: s am e

troy boltron: can’t relate

blue loverboy: dont be like this keef

troy boltron: like what

blue loverboy: like _that_

troy boltron:

blue loverboy: lmao

jimmy neutron: am i the only one still lowkey worried about what lance is going to do?? l

jimmy neutron: like

jimmy neutron: he told hunk to not tell us something about the karaoke??

jimmy neutron: lance what are you hiding

blue loverboy: youll find out soon ;^)

jimmy neutron: u  gh

jimmy neutron: _@hunk the hunk_ what are you two hiDING

hunk the hunk: ;^)

blue loverboy: ;^)

jimmy neutron: u gh hh

troy boltron: dw pidge youre not alone i feel the same

Gorgeous Man: I’m just super excited! What a lovely team bonding exercise!!

blue loverboy: im lowkey upset that i left the karaoke pants on earth

troy boltron:

troy boltron: do i even want to ask

jimmy neutron:

Mufasa:

Allura: ,,

Allura: Karaoke pants?

hunk the hunk: super skinny jeans with some glitter on

jimmy neutron: adsfds whAT

hunk the hunk: don’t ask me ask lance

blue loverboy: those pants are super comfortable and they make my ass look greAT thank you very much

troy boltron:

troy boltron: i’m suddenly also lowkey upset that you left the karaoke pants on earth

jimmy neutron: WOW KEITH THAT’S GAY

Mufasa: Yi k e s

hunk the hunk: lm a o

hunk the hunk: lance is next to me atm he’s blushing like hell good job keith

blue loverboy: fuCK YOU

troy boltron: ;)

 

blue loverboy: oh man i gotta get in The Mood

hunk the hunk: how

blue loverboy: well

 

 **blue loverboy** changed nickname to **hispanic at the disco**

 

jimmy neutron: fUC K

Mufasa: 1. language

Mufasa: 2. **FUCK**

jimmy neutron: lm a   o

hunk the hunk: this is why i’m proud to call you my best friend

hispanic at the disco: <3

hunk the hunk: <33

troy boltron: lance i’m breaking up with you

hispanic at the disco: lmao no youre not

troy boltron:

troy boltron: _fine_

Allura: We just found the karaoke equipment so we’re ready to go in a few ticks!

jimmy neutron: see you guys down there in an hour?

hunk the hunk: you know it

hispanic at the disco: hell yeAH

 

hunk the hunk: alright so

hunk the hunk: me and pidge are literally uploading all the music from the backups on our  phones and literally everything we could get our hands on thanks to our Space Internet™ so we’ll have access to all the music on the ship

troy boltron: wait no hold on

jimmy neutron: what are you hiding, keith? ;^))))))

troy boltron: no  t hi ng

jimmy neutron: sounds fake but ok

Mufasa: Keith

troy boltron: no

Mufasa: Did you download my old playlists??

troy boltron: _no_.

Mufasa: Why else would there be japanese 80s music on here??

troy boltron: no comment

Mufasa: You’re precious

troy boltron: shut up let me live my life

hunk the hunk: are we going to talk about the insane amount of linkin park

jimmy neutron: yes let’s

troy boltron: sounds like a terrible idea

hunk the hunk: hey man there’s nothing wrong with liking linkin park they’re good

troy boltron: fine

hunk the hunk: btw i just realized that we can use this group chat to comment on shit so we’re not talking when someone’s singing,,, that’d be rude

Mufasa: Sounds good

jimmy neutron: yeah man sure

  
  


hispanic at the disco: alright

hispanic at the disco: lets get this fucking show on the road

  


hunk the hunk: ok so

hunk the hunk: i know we let coran start and all

hunk the hunk: but how the _hell_ does he know this song and the lyrics

Allura: Oh, we checked out your human music and he got really interested in this song! You humans have very interesting music!

hunk the hunk: alrigHT BUT HOW CAN HE SING _SCATMAN_ ???? LIKE _PHYSICALLY_

hispanic at the disco: i was about the ask the same thing

hispanic at the disco: because like

hispanic at the disco: what  the  a ctual fuck

Mufasa: Maybe it’s in the moustache

hunk the hunk: ooh yeah maybe??

hispanic at the disco they guy has a moustache?

hunk the hunk: yes coran has a moustache????

hispanic at the disco: i meaNT SCATMAN JOHN YOU CHEAP POGO STICK

hunk the hunk: _OH_

jimmy neutron: did you just call hunk a cheap pogo stick

hispanic at the disco: yes

jimmy neutron: holy fuckign shit

hunk the hunk: he has called me weirder things

hunk the hunk: also lance

hunk the hunk: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8kmNEo1i8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8kmNEo1i8) yes he had a moustache

hispanic at the disco: _nice_

Mufasa: Oh, I found a song I want to sing!

hunk the hunk: oh?

Mufasa: Wait for it

troy boltron: i bet it’s japanese 80s music

Mufasa: ;^)

troy boltron: end my suffering

Mufasa: This is one of my favorite songs and I’m not the one who had it downloaded, pal.

troy boltron: let me live my life

Mufasa: Do you know which song it is though

troy boltron: my educated guess is that it’s a yoko oginome song

troy boltron: probably dancing hero

hispanic at the disco: you have an education? i thought you were kicked out

troy boltron: dont be fucking rude

hispanic at the disco: lm a o ily2

 

troy boltron: i was right

hunk the hunk: what IS this song

troy boltron: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMpv4T1r92g ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMpv4T1r92g) (skip to like 0:45 if you want to skip the intro)

hispanic at the disco: i never thought id live to see _the_  takashi shirogane sing a cute japanese 80s song

troy boltron: this is not the first time ive seen it

hispanic at the disco: first time in space tho ;^)

troy boltron: touché

hunk the hunk: look at the lil choreography going on holy shit

troy boltron: shiro _really_ loves this song

hunk the hunk: hey lance

hispanic at the disco: what?

hunk the hunk: are you going to do

hunk the hunk: _the thing? ;^)))_

hispanic at the disco: hell yeah i am ;^)))))))

jimmy neutron: WHAT IS _THE THING_

hispanic at the disco: youre about to find out my short green friend

jimmy neutron: i’ll punch you in the face

hispanic at the disco: can you even reach my face

jimmy neutron: you better keep an eye on your shampoo in case someone does something to it

hispanic at the disco: _you wouldn’t_ **_dare_ **

jimmy neutron: oh i wouldn’t? ;)

hispanic at the disco: oh look at the time shiro is done im gonna go you know

hispanic at the disco: _sing_

hunk the hunk: _it’s time_

 

troy boltron: why the fuck didn’t you give me a warning hunk

hunk the hunk: what kind of warning?

hunk the hunk: ;)

troy boltron: you knOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

hunk the hunk: oh you mean the fact that lance has a lovely singing voice, knows all the moves for whenever wherever by shakira by heart and can _move_ like shakira?

jimmy neutron: keith you look like you’re going to spontaneously combust

Mufasa: I didn’t even know there was a spanish version of this song? I’ve only heard the english version

hunk the hunk: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8Rwz6zBJSE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8Rwz6zBJSE) here you go

hunk the hunk: lance likes the spanish version more

troy boltron: I REMEMBER YOU SAYING LANCE ISNT A GRACEFUL PERSON HUNK WHY THE FUCK YOU LYING

hunk the hunk: oh yeah lance is a human disaster 99% of the time but my boi can dance

troy boltron: kill me

jimmy neutron: you look close to death without any of us doing anything

hunk the hunk: keith’s reason of death: lance’s body rolls

Mufasa: Alright but for real

Mufasa: What _are_ Lance’s hips

hunk the hunk: not human

Allura: Most aliens can’t do that either

hunk the hunk: w e ll then

Gorgeous Man: We could use this to promote Voltron!

Mufasa: The worst thing about that is that it’d most probably work.

hunk the hunk: ^^^^^^

jimmy neutron: the blue paladin of voltron: space sex icon

hunk the hunk: b y e

hunk the hunk: wonder what his family would say

troy boltron: _where did he even get those tight pants im going to fukcing die_

jimmy neutron: you didn’t notice them before?

troy boltron: n o

jimmy neutron: he bought them when we were at that last space mall

jimmy neutron: you know when you bought all of the _crop tops_

troy boltron: crop tops are extremely comfortable stop judging me

 

hunk the hunk: ok i have a song

jimmy neutron: go for it

hunk the hunk: i’m about to

jimmy neutron: hell yeah

 

hispanic at the disco: huNK!!!!!!!! MY BOI

jimmy neutron: man i already knew hunk could sing but man

jimmy neutron: feeling good by michael bublé??

troy boltron: oh no he’s hot

Mufasa: Keith get it together you gay mess

troy boltron: i really can’t

troy boltron: not when he’s singing better than michael fucking bublé

hispanic at the disco: wonder if hunk want to do Our Thing when hes done

jimmy neutron: i thought you already did the thing

hispanic at the disco: i did My thing but but man we have more content for karaoke nights

jimmy neutron: what the fuck

troy boltron: ??

hispanic at the disco: just wait for it

 

troy boltron: what the fuck

jimmy neutron: same

troy boltron: no but like for real

troy boltron: what the Actual fuck?????

Allura: Oh, this is lovely!

jimmy neutron: i thought they were joking about this

Mufasa: About what??

jimmy neutron: back at the garrison they’d jokingly talk about how they had a “amazing karaoke performance” to total eclipse of the heart by bonnie tyler with like an actual choreography and rearranged to be more like a duet

jimmy neutron: they were evidently not joking about any of that

troy boltron: jesus christ

Mufasa: This is so dramatic??

jimmy neutron: they mentioned that the start and performance is inspired by a thing from a swedish tv show or some shit

troy boltron: what the fuck

jimmy neutron: they showed me the clip to imagine it or something hold on let me get the video i think i can find it

jimmy neutron: alright so this is apparently from a swedish music game show??

jimmy neutron: [ https://youtu.be/rletYAdBndM?t=34 ](https://youtu.be/rletYAdBndM?t=34)

troy boltron: fuck the guy to the right is Hot

Mufasa: Agreed.

jimmy neutron: i love how that’s the first thing you decide to comment on

troy boltron: i am a simple gay

Mufasa: Speaking of duets

Mufasa: Hey Keith

troy boltron: **no**

Mufasa: I haven’t even told you want song I was thinking about

troy boltron: shiro you are more or less my brother and i know _exactly_ what song you’re thinking about and **no**

Mufasa: Come on, Keith

troy boltron: N O

Mufasa: Keeeeeith

troy boltron: _not again_

Allura: Again?

jimmy neutron: man this sounds like possible blackmail material and i fully support you doing this

Allura: _Again?_

Mufasa: Ok so we went on a road trip a few years ago and we had this one song on repeat for 3 hours

Mufasa: We stopped at some random diner to get food and they had a karaoke machine alright

jimmy neutron: holy shit

Mufasa: So I naturally convinced Keith to sing the song with me

Mufasa: It was so popular we got the food for free

jimmy neutron: om g ?????

jimmy neutron: keith there is no way i’ll let you leave this room until you’ve done this

troy boltron: _plea s e  no_

Mufasa: Come on lil bro it’ll be fun :^)

Allura: Oh, I’m so curious now!! Boys, please!

troy boltron: n o

jimmy neutron: i bet keith is having some performance anxiety because hunk and lance are killing it to total eclipse of the heart and because his boyfriend has a surprisingly good singing voice

jimmy neutron: we already knew hunk can sing like an angel but holy shit lance

troy boltron: i dont have performance anxiety

jimmy neutron: prove it

troy boltron: _no_

jimmy neutron: alright keith how about this

jimmy neutron: i’ll sing a dumb song if you do this

jimmy neutron: and i can’t sing for shit

troy boltron: shit that’s a tempting offer

jimmy neutron: blackmail material in exchange for blackmail material

troy boltron: i’ll do it if you go first

jimmy neutron: sure

jimmy neutron: you’re not getting out of this now you know what i’m capable of

troy boltron: i know

jimmy neutron: good

Mufasa: !!!! ;^)

jimmy neutron: keith i’m expecting you to do this for real

troy boltron: do i ever do anything i set my mind to half-assed?

jimmy neutron: fair

troy boltron: btw pidge can i borrow you glasses to get into character

jimmy neutron: holy shit

jimmy neutron: yeah man sure

jimmy neutron: i’ll murder you if you break them

troy boltron: i’d let you murder me if i broke them

jimmy neutron: k

 

hispanic at the disco: holy shit i never thought pidge was going to agree to sing???

troy boltron: read the chat and you’ll know why

hunk the hunk: holy hell what are you two going to sing??????

troy boltron: ugh

hispanic at the disco: that sounds like a terrible song

troy boltron: fuck you lance

hispanic at the disco: when and where

troy boltron: uGH

hunk the hunk: omg pidge

hispanic at the disco: PI D G E

Mufasa: Oh my god is this Mr. Roboto by Styx

Mufasa: IT IS

hispanic at the disco: i’m loving the fabulous arm movements

hunk the hunk: pidge is killing it

Mufasa: I’m honestly impressed by the pronunciation of the japanese parts

hunk the hunk: shiro did you just yell “you’re doing great sweetie” ??????

Mufasa: I have to show my child the support she deserves

hunk the hunk: holy shit

hispanic at the disco: keith what the fuck are you doing

troy boltron: recording it

hispanic at the disco:

hispanic at the disco: k but why

troy boltron:  blackmail in exchange for blackmail

Mufasa: Hey Keith, are you ready to rock? ;^)

troy boltron: not if you don’t promise right now that you’ll never say “are you ready to rock” again

Mufasa: Lol

troy boltron: i’m only doing this because i’m scared of pidge

hispanic at the disco: honestly relatable

hispanic at the disco: that lil green gremlin is terrifying

 

jimmy neutron: HAHAHAHA HOLY S HI T

hispanic at the disco: hunk pinch me i have to make sure im not hallucinating

hunk the hunk: im sorry im busy s cr e e c hing

hunk the hunk: and  RECORDI N G

jimmy neutron: LOOK AT THEM GO

hispanic at the disco: _im dying_

Allura: What is this song and why are they singing _like that_

hunk the hunk: the song is “I’m gonna be (500 miles)” by The Proclaimers

hunk the hunk: here you go [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbNlMtqrYS0 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbNlMtqrYS0)

hunk the hunk: they’re singing Like That because the original song sounds like that

hispanic at the disco: IM CRYING ACTUAL TEARS

jimmy neutron: d  I D KEITH TUCK IN HIS SHIRT AND PULL UP HIS PANTS MORE

hunk the hunk: H E  FUCKING _DID_

jimmy neutron: SO DID SHIRO

hunk the hunk: _IM CRYIGN_

jimmy neutron: NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY KEITH WANTED MY GLASSES LM A O

hispanic at the disco: IS IT BAD THAT I FIND THIS LOOK ON KEITH REALLY FUCKING HOT

jimmy neutron: it’s kin d  of bad y e a h

hispanic at the disco: I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO LOOK THIS GOOD IN GLASSES AND HIS ASS LOOKS GREAT SEND HELP IM TOO GAY FOR HIM TO HANDLE THIS

jimmy neutron: i can see why they’d get free food for this

hispanic at the disco: i never thought id live to see the day where keith and shiro sing a duet to the 500 miles song while doing terrible accents

jimmy neutron: im cryging  about how into it keith is

hunk the hunk: well he said he never does anything he sets his mind to half-assed

Gorgeous Man: Can I go next? I found a quite amazing Earth song that I’d like to sing!

hunk the hunk: yeah man sure!!!!

 

hispanic at the disco: FUCK

jimmy neutron: _NO_ _FUCKING WAY_

hunk the hunk: IS THIS FOR REAL

Mufasa: **Fuck**

troy boltron: FUCKING HE  L L

Allura: What.

hispanic at the disco: guys am i literally on space drugs or did coran just

hispanic at the disco: rickroll us

jimmy neutron: unless we’re all on the same space drugs and seeing the same thing

jimmy neutron: yes

jimmy neutron: yes he just rickrolled us

hispanic at the disco: i cant believe i just got rickrolled by an actual alien

Allura: I

Allura: What is a rickroll?

Mufasa: A prank that involves suddenly playing this song when no one’s expecting it.

Allura: Oh!

Mufasa: I’m honestly surprised Keith hasn’t sung any Nicki Minaj or k-pop songs yet.

troy boltron: shut up

hispanic at the disco: oh my god ba be   _do it_

troy boltron: no

hispanic at the disco: pl ea se??

troy boltron: _no_

hispanic at the disco: youve already sung the fucking 500 miles song but you cant sing a lil nicki??

hispanic at the disco: are you scared because i set the bar too high babe

troy boltron: im not fucking scared and i’ll prove it

hispanic at the disco: oh?

troy boltron: _yeah_

  


hispanic at the disco: wait k e ith no dont put your up in a little ponytail you know im  w ea  k for that

jimmy neutron: lm a o

hispanic at the disco: i cant wait to see him stumble over rap

Mufasa: Oh

Mufasa: Uh, Lance

hispanic at the disco: what

Mufasa: There’s something you should know

hispanic at the disco: _what_

Mufasa: Wait nvm Keith is about to show you

hispanic at the disco:

hispanic at the disco: hold on is this super bass by nicki minaj

hunk the hunk: sure sounds like it

hispanic at the disco: ok so he’ll soon fuc

hispanic at the disco: are you f uicking kidding me

hunk the hunk:

jimmy neutron:

jimmy neutron: keith can _rap?????_

Mufasa: Eyup.

hispanic at the disco: i hate dating this guy because i cant even be mad at him for being good at literally everything because im busy admiring him and being proud of him what the fuck

Mufasa: That’s literally the sweetest thing, Lance

Mufasa: I’d let you have my brother’s hand in marriage

hispanic at the disco: thanks man

hispanic at the disco: alright im officially deceased

hispanic at the disco: _he’s squatting end me now_

hispanic at the disco: he complains about my dancing when he can fuckign _twerk_ wha thte hfuck is thsi

jimmy neutron: the boy sure as hell can shake his ass

hispanic at the disco: guys

hispanic at the disco: am i imagining things or is he like

hispanic at the disco: dedicating the song to me

hunk the hunk: dude he has been pointing at you for all the ‘boy you got my heartbeat running away’ parts

hispanic at the disco: i thought i was imagining things

hispanic at the disco: holy shit im so gay for this boy???

hunk the hunk: we know

Mufasa: He’s gay for you too, Lance.

hispanic at the disco: !!!!!

jimmy neutron: alright this is gay and all but can we talk about how he hasn’t messed up a single part of the song?? i’m seriously impressed by keith

jimmy neutron: how many times has he listened to this song???

Mufasa: Way too many

Mufasa: Imagine him walking around in the Garrison while looking broody and Edgy while wearing his headphones

Mufasa: And you assume he’s listening to something edgy enough to match his image

Mufasa: But he’s actually listening to Nicki Minaj and memorizing all the lyrics

hunk the hunk: oh my god that’s great

Allura: All the Paladins are so talented, I’m very proud of you all!

hunk the hunk: oh hey allura

hunk the hunk: are you going to sing?

Allura: Oh, I do not know…

jimmy neutron: if me and keith did it you should also do it tbh

Allura: Well, you have a point.

Allura: Ok, fine, I’ll do it

hunk the hunk: yayy!!!!

hispanic at the disco: hell yesssss

 

Gorgeous Man: My friends, you look terrified.

jimmy neutron: i have no words

jimmy neutron: to describe what i’m feeling right now

hunk the hunk: i

hunk the hunk: never would’ve expected her to pick this song

troy boltron: i’m gay but still kind of turned on

hispanic at the disco: i

hispanic at the disco: i???

hispanic at the disco: im????

Mufasa: Keith is this song from your phone? And what song _is_ this???

troy boltron: nop e i didnt have this song on my phone

jimmy neutron: it’s from mine

troy boltron: o

jimmy neutron: and it’s bones exposed by of mice & men

jimmy neutron: <https://youtu.be/IO-JbFtgeX4?t=15>

Mufasa: Oh.

hispanic at the disco: i

hunk the hunk: lance is officially broken

jimmy neutron: rest in pieces

hispanic at the disco: im?

hunk the hunk: take your time bro

hispanic at the disco: she can fucking _growl_ what hte fck

jimmy neutron: eyup

hispanic at the disco: im dead

Mufasa: Same.

hunk the hunk: same

troy boltron: same

jimmy neutrn: same

hispanic at the disco: also

hispanic at the disco: hey keith

troy boltron: what.

hispanic at the disco: we should sing a duet

troy boltron: god no

hispanic at the disco: im your boyfriend and you should do it for me ;^(

troy boltron: you’re my boyfriend? wow that sound fake

hispanic at the disco: why are you like this babe

troy boltron: what song

hispanic at the disco: !

jimmy neutron: why did you lean over to whisper and why did keith smile

jimmy neutron: what are you _going to do_

hispanic at the disco: i guess you’ll just have to wait for it ;^)

jimmy neutron: k e ITH

troy boltron: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

jimmy neutron: i should’ve fucking guessed

hunk the hunk: we really should’ve been able to guess

Mufasa: I don’t know why I’m surprised

Mufasa: Keith smiling at the idea of a duet should’ve been enough to make us realize

hunk the hunk: yeahhhhh

jimmy neutron: i thought keith was going to be gabriella

hunk the hunk: i guess his voice fits troy better??

jimmy neutron: yeah

Gorgeous Man: Who are these Gabriella and Troy people and how are they related to this song?

hunk the hunk: oh!! they’re from the movie series high school musical and they’re the main characters

hunk the hunk: this song is their last duet in the first movie, it’s called Breaking Free

Gorgeous Man: That sounds quite nice!

jimmy neutron: the movies are super cheesy and not actually very good but everyone love them either way

Allura: Even Keith?

Mufasa: _Especially_ Keith

jimmy neutron: why else would his name in the chat be “troy boltron”

Allura: Oh

jimmy neutron: yeah

jimmy neutron:  _oh_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that's it!!! if y'all enjoyed this there's a chance that something similar will happen in the future (with some more characters maybe ;^0)!!! as always, comments give me life and motivate me to write!!! leave a comment if you enjoyed the chapter, maybe tell me what you liked the most?? 
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading my bullshit and for your support. love y'all. see you in the next chapter!! <3


	6. going commando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmy neutron: KEITH YOU MADE YOUR BROTHER SO DISAPPOINTED THAT HE FACEPALMED HARD ENOUGH TO BREAK HIS OWN NOSE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back at it again w a new chapter!!!! man this also ended up much longer than what i usually write lm ao,,, im like,, accidentally setting another standard for this fic. the chapter it like 2k words,,,, but don't be surprised if future chapters are like 1k-1.4k words because that's my Usual standard for my chatfics.
> 
> an y wa y! i hope y'all like the chapter! i just need to post a trigger warning! i'll add it in the tags as well!
> 
> tw: referenced/implied past child abuse!!!!!!! keith mentions being beaten in one of his foster homes but then the subject is quickly dropped, but i just needed y'all to know if that's a sensitive subject for someone!! a lot of love and fluff comes after that so dw abt the chapter being sad! be safe guys!
> 
> ALSO!! happy holidays and happy new year!!! you guys are the best and ily all!

hispanic at the disco: you know the feeling of just driving a car through rain on an empty road? its oddly relaxing and i miss it

troy boltron: can’t relate

hispanic at the disco: you dont find rain relaxing???

troy boltron: i do but i was referring to the driving a car part

hispanic at the disco: 

hispanic at the disco: keith do you have a drivers license

troy boltron: no

hispanic at the disco: are you trying to tell me 

hispanic at the disco: that youre the best pilot the garrison has ever seen

hispanic at the disco: you build and drive your own hoverbike/ship/thing

hispanic at the disco: and you pilot a giant sentient space lion

hispanic at the disco: but you dont have a drivers license

troy boltron: yeah basically

hispanic at the disco: why the fuck do you not have a drivers license

troy boltron: i’m gay

jimmy neutron:  _ lm  a o _

hunk the hunk: keith doesn’t know how to drive a car??????

troy boltron: i never said i couldn’t drive a car

hunk the hunk: but you don’t have a license??

troy boltron: doesn’t mean i can’t drive

hunk the hunk: ………

hunk the hunk: when did you learn

troy boltron: the same day i learned how to hotwire a car

hunk the hunk:

hunk the hunk: are you fucking kidding me

troy boltron: that’s not even the most illegal thing i’ve done lmao

Mufasa: 

Mufasa: Keith.

troy boltron: i mean. 

troy boltron: uh

troy boltron: alright there’s no way i’ll be able to amend that

Mufasa:  _ Keith. _

troy boltron: that’s my name

Mufasa:  _ What did you do _

troy boltron: well

troy boltron: what matters is that i never got caught

Mufasa: Pardon my French

Mufasa: But

Mufasa:  **_Jesus fucking christ I disappear for a fucking year and you go and fuck shit up you fucking walnut_ **

hispanic at the disco: did

hispanic at the disco: did you just call keith a “fucking walnut” in your angry rant

Mufasa: I sure fucking did. 

hispanic at the disco:

hispanic at the disco: alr ight y

 

hunk the hunk: hey cowboy

troy boltron: what

hunk the hunk: holy SHI T YOU REPLIE D 

troy boltron: w ai  t  NO

hunk the hunk: THAT’S TOO GOOD

troy boltron: s t o p

hunk the hunk: I WAS GOING TO JOKE ABOUT CALLING YOU COWBOY SINCE YOU’RE BASICALLY TEXAN BUT THIS WAS SO MUCH BETTER

troy boltron:  _ fuck _

hispanic at the disco: oh my god ba b e

troy boltron: leave me to die

hispanic at the disco: no wa y

hunk the hunk: hey hey ke ith

troy boltron:  _ what. _

hunk the hunk: do you know how to ride a horse

troy boltron: 

troy boltron: …

hunk the hunk: oh my god…..

troy boltron: ……….

hunk the hunk: oh my _ god???? _

troy boltron: i didn’t even ansWER THE FUCKING QUESTION

hunk the hunk: THE SILENCE WAS ENOUGH AS AN ANSWER IM DYING

hispanic at the disco: WAIT HOLD ON 

hispanic at the disco: KEITH?? YOU KNOW HOW TO RIDE A HORSE???? AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME???

troy boltron: yes. 

troy boltron: now leave me alone.

hispanic at the disco: I CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT TELL ME SOMETHING LIKE THIS  _ WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME _

troy boltron: because you’d react like this

troy boltron: also you didnt ask

hunk the hunk: ^^^fair

hispanic at the disco: I CANT BELIEVE IM DATING AN ACTUAL COWBOY IM FUCKING SCREAMING

jimmy neutron: yes we can hear that

jimmy neutron: now shut up lance im trying to focus on the thing im building

hispanic at the disco: I CANT SHUT UP I JSTU GOT TO KNOW KEITH IS A COWBOY

troy boltron: st o p

troy boltron: im not a fucking cowboy

Mufasa: Sounds fake but okay.

troy boltron: sHI R O NO

Mufasa: Shiro yes.

jimmy neutron: lm a o

hunk the hunk: ok but when the fuck did you learn to ride a horse i just can’t imagine this????

troy boltron: one of the foster families i was in owned a stable with a lot of horses

troy boltron: they taught me abt horses and how to ride one so i could help but it was only the basics

hunk the hunk: o h

hunk the hunk: alright that actually makes a lot of sense

troy boltron: i also used to steal horses in the middle of the night and taught myself the rest i needed to know about horse riding

hunk the hunk: jesus christ that’s kind of cool tbh

jimmy neutron: ultimate bad boy

hispanic at the disco: so like

hispanic at the disco: youre really good at riding horses???

troy boltron: idk i guess?? i find it easy enough 

troy boltron: i can even do it with bruised ribs lmao 

hispanic at the disco:

jimmy neutron:

hunk the hunk: 

Mufasa:

hunk the hunk: .. why do you know that

troy boltron: the nightly horse riding was to get away from the family

hunk the hunk: i’m afraid to ask why

troy boltron: i had bruised ribs after the dad of the house beat me up and i took a hard kick to the ribs 

troy boltron: i rode all the way to the closest hospital and then i got taken away from that family ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

hunk the hunk: oh

hunk the hunk: oh no

jimmy neutron:

Mufasa: Keith..

troy boltron: wow whaT A FUCKING TIME to overshare you know i’ll be at the training deck if you need me b ye

hispanic at the disco: ill join

troy boltron: i dont need your pity

hispanic at the disco: no you sure dont which is why i just wanted to spar and probably get my ass handed to me but hopefully get in a few punches 

troy boltron: 

troy boltron: ok

hispanic at the disco: <3

troy boltron: …….

troy boltron: <3

Mufasa: They’re so good for each other. 

hunk the hunk: fuck yeah they are

jimmy neutron: they’re sickening

 

hispanic at the disco: HOLY FUCK GUYS ITS #CONFIRMED

hunk the hunk: !!!!!!!!!!!!

hunk the hunk: WHAT!!

hispanic at the disco: KEITH HAS A TEXAN ACCENT THAT HE HAS HIDDEN AWAY

hunk the hunk:  _ NO WAY _

hispanic at the disco: YES WAY!!

jimmy neutron: i need this kind of blackmail material how the fuck do you know this lance 

hispanic at the disco: OK SO

hispanic at the disco: we were just chillin in a sofa right

jimmy neutron: ew you nasty

hispanic at the disco: NO we were all cuddled up and watching a movie pl e ase pidge

jimmy neutron: hmmmmm 

jimmy neutron: let’s say i believe you. keep going.

hispanic at the disco: ok so im like pretty sure keith was really tired but we ended up talking a little about family and he told me more about you know,,, the shit he mentioned earlier,,,,

jimmy neutron: o

hispanic at the disco: anyway so then he felt a sudden need to express his love for this team when he was like basically half asleep and hiS ACCENT FUCKING SLI PP E D

hunk the hunk: om g

hispanic at the disco: he leGIT SAID ‘y’all are the best family i’ve ever had’ and LIKE HIS ACCENT WAS  _ REALLY _ TEXAN OR WHATEVER AND I DIDNT KNOW IF I WAS SUPPOSED TO CRY @ HOW SWEET THE THING HE SAID WAS OR CRY @ THE FACT THAT HIS TEXAN SLIPPED

hunk the hunk: keith is confirmed to be absolutely precious

hunk the hunk: i love him

hispanic at the disco: say aye if you love keith and would protect him at all costs

hispanic at the disco: aye

Mufasa: Aye

hunk the hunk: aye!!!!

Allura: Aye.

jimmy neutron: aye

Gorgeous Man: Aye!

Gorgeous Man: I’ll have to admit that I feel like that about this entire team though!

hunk the hunk: fuck that’s so sweet im going to cry i love you all so much

hispanic at the disco: 

┏┓   
┃┃╱╲ in    
┃╱╱╲╲ this   
╱╱╭╮╲╲ house   
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we   
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲   
love and support each other   
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲   
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

  
  


hispanic at the disco: i have been thinking about this a lot

hunk the hunk: what have you been thinking about

hispanic at the disco: how tight keiths pants are

hunk the hunk:

hunk the hunk: is this a very roundabout way of saying that you look at his ass a lot

hispanic at the disco: NO

hispanic at the disco: well  i mean yes but thats not where im going with this

hunk the hunk: where  _ are _ you going with this???

hispanic at the disco: his pants are tight

hunk the hunk: yes, and..?

hispanic at the disco: and ive never seen lines from underwear

hunk the hunk:

hunk the hunk: 

hunk the hunk: oh no

hispanic at the disco: does that mean what i think it means

hunk the hunk: don’t say it

hunk the hunk: please don’t say it

hispanic at the disco:  _ does this mean that keith usually goes commando _

hunk the hunk: i lived a good life

hunk the hunk: a good and perfect life, fighting evil aliens in space

hunk the hunk: i did not need tto thINK ABOUT THIS 

hispanic at the disco:  _ @troy boltron _

troy boltron: what

hispanic at the disco: read the convo

troy boltron: oh

troy boltron: yeah i do

hunk the hunk:  _ no why did you have to answer _

troy boltron: i don’t see the problem

hunk the hunk: you are a nasty man

hispanic at the disco: wait so does this mean that youre like

hispanic at the disco: fighting in an intergalactic space war

hispanic at the disco:  _ while going commando _

troy boltron: i mean obviously not all the time but

troy boltron: yeah basically

hispanic at the disco: LM AO WHY THOUGH

troy boltron: underwear lines are terrible and sacrifices has to be made to have tight pants and have them fit perfectly

jimmy neutron: i just saw shiro look down on his portable, read something, i’m assuming it was something in the gc, and then facepalm with his galra hand so hard his nose legit started bleeding

jimmy neutron: what the fuck is going on here

hunk the hunk: don’t read the convo

jimmy neutron:

jimmy neutron: do you think aliens know what bleach is and do you think they have any

jimmy neutron: i need to drink it

hunk the hunk: ask the resident aliens

jimmy neutron:  _ @Allura @Gorgeous Man _ do you know what bleach is and do we have any in the castle?

Allura: ..

Allura: Bleach?

Gorgeous Man: I’m afraid I’ve never heard of it! 

Gorgeous Man: What is it?

jimmy neutron: nevermind

jimmy neutron: do we have something that could wipe away specific memories

Gorgeous Man: Not in the castle, but we can probably acquire some things the next time we go shopping!

jimmy neutron: neat

Gorgeous Man: May I ask why you need it?

hunk the hunk: read the conversation

Gorgeous Man: 

Gorgeous Man: 

Gorgeous Man: May I ask what “Going commando” means? Because I’m assuming it’s not what I believe it is. 

hispanic at the disco: it means not wearing any underwear

hispanic at the disco: just the dick loose in the pants

hispanic at the disco: or in keiths case,,, the dick stuck in the pants. because man does he wear tight pants. 

hispanic at the disco: basically just

hispanic at the disco: chillin w the dick out

Gorgeous Man: Oh

Gorgeous Man: Is that really strange? I also do that sometimes!  

hunk the hunk: nO GOD WHY

jimmy neutron: kill me

troy boltron: i still can’t see the problem

hispanic at the disco: btw where did allura go

hispanic at the disco: and what happened to dad and the nosebleed

Allura: Oh I’m sorry I helped Shiro into a healing pod, he’ll only be in there for a short moment, don’t worry!

hispanic at the disco: ,,, why??

Allura: Oh, he accidentally broke his nose!

jimmy neutron: wait a second

jimmy neutron: no way

jimmy neutron: no fUCKING WAY

jimmy neutron: KEITH YOU MADE YOUR BROTHER SO DISAPPOINTED THAT HE FACEPALMED HARD ENOUGH TO BREAK HIS OWN NOSE

jimmy neutron: LM A  O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked the chapter!! i wrote most of it at like,,,,, 4-5am so it's,,,, a trainwreck lm a o. someone will have to pry texan cowboy keith from my cold dead hands before i give it up. 
> 
> klance and voltron has seriously been such an inspiration for my art and my fanfic writing lately and im so fucking grateful for this lame but very charming show. i've written so much klance fics that i most probably never will publish ahahahah. anyway here's wonderwall. 
> 
> comments are super appreciated!!!!! thank you guys for reading and for your support!!!!!


	7. top 10 anime betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> troy boltron: we need to talk about your old spice thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at that!!! an update!!! and i already updated my boku no hero chatfic today! ;^))) well this chapter is not my best work but it gets me where i want the fic to go so yhh i hope y'all enjoy the chapter either way!!

troy boltron: shiro

troy boltron: we need to talk about your old spice thing

Mufasa: What thing. 

troy boltron:  _ you know what thing i’m talking about shiro _

Mufasa: Nope I have no idea sorry I gotta go

troy boltron: when we got to a a space mall we found an earth store that for some fucking reason sold old spice body wash

Mufasa: Eyup.

troy boltron: you bought  _ Every Single Bottle. _

Mufasa: Wow, that sounds extremely fake. 

Mufasa: Keith why are you spreading lies about your  _ own brother and team captain _

troy boltron: shiro

Mufasa: Betrayed by my own

troy boltron: shiro.

Mufasa: Top 10 anime betrayals. 

troy boltron: i can’t fucking believe this

 

jimmy neutron: hey allura?

Allura: Yes, Pidge?

jimmy neutron: how come you’re the only one here with your normal name instead of something funny

Allura: Ah,,, I could not come up with anything

jimmy neutron: rip

hispanic at the disco: rip

hunk the hunk: rip

troy boltron: rip

Mufasa: Rip

Gorgeous Man: Rip.

hunk the hunk: maybe we could help??

hispanic at the disco: ;^))))

hunk the hunk: no not you

hispanic at the disco: why you gotta be so rude dont you know im human too

hispanic at the disco: </333

hunk the hunk: </3

jimmy neutron: he’s right tho everyone know you’d try to give her a dumb name

hispanic at the disco: says the one called “jimmy neutron”

jimmy neutron: it’s creative and i’m smart enough to live up to the name

hispanic at the disco: touché

Allura: I would be alright with having one of you coming up with a name!

jimmy neutron: i’ve got one and it’s perfect

hunk the hunk: omg nice

Allura: Oh, lovely! What is it? 

jimmy neutron: dw i’ll just change it from my laptop

Allura: You’d need to log in for that

jimmy neutron: me? having to log in? lmao nah i have hacks for that

Allura: Fair enough. 

jimmy neutron: gimme a sec

 

**Allura** changed nickname to  **Space Zelda**

 

hunk the hunk: OH

hunk the hunk: OK OMG THAT’S A GOOD ONE PIDGE

hispanic at the disco: ill admit

hispanic at the disco: you did good you lil gremlin

jimmy neutron: who tf are you calling a gremlin

hispanic at the disco: you.

Space Zelda: Alright so… what is.. a Zelda??

Mufasa: A magical princess with pointy ears

Space Zelda: 

Space Zelda: Oh.

jimmy neutron: yeah, basically

Space Zelda: I like it!

jimmy neutron: hell yEAH

 

jimmy neutron: hey keith

jimmy neutron: remember when we were at a diplomatic meeting and the leader was like “who is the toughest person in here?” and your texan fucking slipped and you said “that’d be me” as you hooked your thumbs in your belt and i swear i could see the a cowboy hat on your head there for a second

jimmy neutron: and everyone stared at you like you had grown another head because allura had  _ fucking told us to not claim to be tougher than any of them because that’d lead to a fight because they take pride in their toughness _

jimmy neutron: and then you had to like. fight some big monster thing to prove your toughness

troy boltron: oh yeah that was a good time

jimmy neutron: you almost died

troy boltron: but i didn’t

hispanic at the disco: i still find it so fucking funny because like

hispanic at the disco: they also looked surprised that it was  _ you _ , the 2nd shortest person on the team

troy boltron: well now i’m a honorable member of that planet so that’s nice

hispanic at the disco: i still cant believe you actually won tbh

jimmy neutron: wow isn’t it your job to be supportive as his boyfriend

hispanic at the disco: yes but i need to be realistic

 

hispanic at the disco: hey keith when are you coming back from the most recent blade business

troy boltron: soon dw

hispanic at the disco: good

hispanic at the disco: i miss you

troy boltron: i miss you too

hunk the hunk: that’s gay

hispanic at the disco: ikr

jimmy neutron: GUYS

jimmy neutron; I FOUND HIM

troy boltron: who?

hunk the hunk: YOU FOUND HIM??? HOLY SHIT

hispanic at the disco: YO WTF!! GOOD JOB PIDGE!!

jimmy neutron: we’re on our way back holy fukc he’s here

troy boltron: ???

hispanic at the disco: it’s mATT!!! pidge found her brother!!!!

troy boltron: holy fuck

jimmy neutron: YEAH!!!

jimmy neutron: im gonna catch up w him for a while see you guys soon!!! (holy shit!!!!!!)

  
  


**Matt** joined **Voltron Emergency Chat™**

 

Matt: hey guys!

Matt: katie is currently piloting through some tough shit and is trying to focus so I took the chance to make a user and log in on her comm

Mufasa: Matt

Matt: 

Matt: Shiro..?

Mufasa: Yeah

Matt: holy fuck shiro you’re alive???

Mufasa: Fucking heLL Matt that’s my line

Matt: wait holy _ fucking shit _ you’re also a part of voltron??

Mufasa: I pilot the Black Lion, yeah.

Matt: so like,,, the fukcing leader?

Mufasa: Yeah

Matt: holy shit

Matt: I’m like,,, not even that surprised that you ended up as the leader of an intergalactic magic robot thing??

 

Matt: alright guys I’m reading through the chat history here and what the actual fuck

Matt: you people had a a karaoke night wITHOUT ME?

Mufasa: To be fair, we didn’t know you were alive. 

Matt: I’m hard to kill

Mufasa: Evidently

Matt: anyway, pidge has been telling me about stuff you guys have done but I have no idea who most of you are and it’d be nice to have some kind of idea of what to expect? 

Space Zelda: Hello Matt! I’m Allura, the princess of the planet Altea. I’m the only other female on the ship, so it shouldn’t be hard to figure out who I am. :)

Gorgeous Man: Name’s Coran, I’m also Altean and I keep this ship in working condition and I think we’ll have a lot in common! ;^) 

Matt: holy shit nice!

Matt: wait coran you’re the moustache guy aren’t you?

Gorgeous Man: That’d be me, yes!

Matt: moustaches are. so good. 

Gorgeous Man: They truly are! It’s good to know that someone with a little fashion sense is going to join us in the castle. 

Matt: man I’ve always wanted to grow a beard

jimmy neutron: sadly your facial hair growth is fucking weak so that’ll never happen

Matt: wow way to rub it in 

jimmy neutron: my speciality

hispanic at the disco: hi im lance and im the sharpshooter of the team. 

hispanic at the disco: i currently pilot red and blue

Matt: 

Matt: both of them???

hispanic at the disco: yeah im technically the blue paladin but my boyfriend keith who originally was the red paladin joined the galran resistance group the blade of marmora but he does missions as a paladin as well so when he’s not here i pilot red and allura pilots blue

hispanic at the disco: keith also used to pilot black when shiro,,,,, disappeared for a while,

Matt: woah wtf

hunk the hunk: i feel the same

hunk the hunk: hi im hunk! i pilot the yellow lion and i’m also here to make sure you people get some edible food in space that isn’t green goo

Matt: I’ve never met you but I appreciate you a lot

hunk the hunk: !!!!

hispanic at the disco: he’s also like 100% organic Natural Beauty

hispanic at the disco: a certified beautician

jimmy neutron: well you’re not wrong

Matt: don’t text and drive 

Mufasa: ^^^^

hunk the hunk: asdgfds guyS

troy boltron: it’s true though

hispanic at the disco: KEITH

troy boltron: hey lance

hispanic at the disco: <3

troy boltron: <3

Matt: shit that’s gay

hispanic at the disco: indeed

troy boltron: we’re rounding up the mission so i should be back by the end of the week

hispanic at the disco: fuck ye a h 

hispanic at the disco: i miss you babe

troy boltron: miss you too

Mufasa: Look at my soft baby brother.

Matt: are you trying to tell me that this keith is the same keith that is your almost-brother????

Mufasa: Hell yeah it is.

troy boltron: hey matt it’ll be good to see you again

troy boltron: thanks for staying alive long enough for pidge to find you

Matt: that’s

Matt: the sweetest fucking thing 

Matt: shiro are you sure this is the socially inept boy that i met when he was younger because dude he’s a star

Mufasa: It’s him and I’m so proud of him. 

Matt: I’m also proud of him and I’ve only met him twice before

hispanic at the disco: hoy fuck back it up

hispanic at the disco: keith?????? youve  _ met _ matt???

troy boltron: yeah 

hispanic at the disco: why the fuck didnt you tell us

troy boltron: it didnt feel relevant

hispanic at the disco: asdfgfdsadf jesus christ

hispanic at the disco: did you know pidge as well???

troy boltron: we’ve met but she had long hair back then and you know i’m terrible at remembering faces 

hispanic at the disco: oh you’re referring to when you forgot  _ my face _ even though we went to the  _ same fukcing class _

troy boltron: well

troy boltron: yeah.

Matt: wow you’re a disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> matt has finally joined!!!! and i have finally established how the blade and paladin business work for them in this fic. it's not really canon compliant and i can't fully write smth about lotor until the next season is released and i know what happens asdfghgfds. anyway i hope y'all are enjoying the fic and where i'm going with the "story" right now, bc this means that i'm going to be adding more characters pretty soon! ;^))
> 
> i have finally updated my discord server, and now i'm Finally going to add an invite to this fic! you see, if you read any of my other chat fics you'd know that i have a discord server, but if you don't: hi i have a discord server for people reading my fics and ofc other people who want to have a good time in general. there are currently over 200 members, and it's a lot of fun. if you want to join the server family, here's an invite:   
> https://discord.gg/ynx2uZs  
> please remember to read the guidelines as soon as you join and fill out the form linked there to make it easier for me and my mods!
> 
> thank you so much for reading my bullshit! see y'all in the next chapter (or maybe in my discord server)!!! ;^))


	8. jumpy small earth fellas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Space Zelda: What the fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooOF i haven't updated this fic for way too long asdfgdf. im so sorry about that y'all!! i've been really busy w school and life and also updating my other fics lm ao. 
> 
> anywayyyy i'm back at it again with a new chapter and i hope y'all enjoy it! it features a lot of gays and plenty of terrible jokes.

jimmy neutron: i am so sorry for bringing matt to this ship 

jimmy neutron: it was a mistake and i won’t blame anyone ejecting him from an airlock

Gorgeous Man: I’m almost afraid to ask

Gorgeous Man: But what is this screaming accompanied by a catchy melody

jimmy neutron: it’s a song

jimmy neutron: lance and matt are listening to it on repeat rn

jimmy neutron: i mean

jimmy neutron: you obviously can hear they’re listening to it on repeat since matt hacked the system to play it on every speaker in the entire ship

Space Zelda: ,,,,,, This,,, is a song???

jimmy neutron: sadly. yes. 

jimmy neutron:  _ @hispanic at the disco @Mattematical _ where the fuck are you two 

hispanic at the disco: why are you asking

jimmy neutron: i’m going to beat you up 

hispanic at the disco: alriGHT SO WHY WOULD I TELL YOU WHERE I AM

Gorgeous Man: I’m worried but also too curious to not ask  _ what _ song this is

jimmy neutron:  this shit  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvrZJ5C_Nwg)

Matt: pidge,,,,,, big enough isn’t shit

jimmy neutron: it kinda is

Matt: how dare you say that about the gay cowboys ft. the screaming cowboy in the sky

Mufasa: I know where they are. 

jimmy neutron: where the fuck

Mufasa: Well, they’re not on this ship. 

jimmy neutron: are they flying around in the red lion and broadcasting big enough 

Matt: ;^))))

hispanic at the disco: ;^))))))

jimmy neutron: i hate this fucking family

jimmy neutron:  _ @Space Zelda  _ would you be upset if i took took the green lion to shoot down the red lion with matt and lance in her

Space Zelda: It’d be for the greater good.

jimmy neutron: k thanks

  
  
  


Matt changed nickname to  **Mattematical**

 

jimmy neutron: god that’s a terrible pun

jimmy neutron: i love it

Mattemathical: ;^)

hispanic at the disco: hey btw  _ @jimmy neutron _

jimmy neutron: what.

hispanic at the disco: can you cloak a hoverbike

jimmy neutron: you’re asking me this

jimmy neutron: when you know i can cloak an Entire Sentient Space Lion Warship???

hispanic at the disco: yes

hispanic at the disco: so can you do it or nah

jimmy neutron: yes lance, i can do it. 

hispanic at the disco: amazing

hispanic at the disco: please imagine how stupid itd look to cloak a hoverbike it’d be some real life crazy frog shiit

jimmy neutron:

jimmy neutron: holy shit

hispanic at the disco:  _ yeah _

jimmy neutron:  _ ho l y   sh i t  _

hispanic at the disco:  **_y e a h_ **

jimmy neutron: let’s fucking do it

hispanic at the disco: Y  ES

Space Zelda:

Space Zelda:  _ What is a Crazy Frog? _

Mufasa: The worst thing ever

Gorgeous Man: Aren’t frogs those jumpy small earth fellas? 

hunk the hunk: i mean

hunk the hunk: yeah i’d describe frogs as jumpy small earth fellas

Gorgeous Man: So what makes the crazy frogs so special? Do they bite? 

hunk the hunk: sdfgfdsdf nO 

jimmy neutron: ahhAHHA HOLY SHIT

hunk the hunk: crazy  _ frog!! _ singular,, not plural!

Gorgeous Man: So there is only one (1) Crazy Frog on Earth?

hunk the hunk: i mean he basically doesn’t exist

Gorgeous Man:

Gorgeous Man: Is there or is there not a Crazy Frog on Earth???

jimmy neutron: the one and only

Mattematical: dicks out for crazy frog

jimmy neutron: dicks out

hispanic at the disco: dicks out

troy boltron: dicks out

hunk the hunk: dicks out

Mufasa: No dICKS ARE GOING TO BE OUT FOR CRAZY FROG 

Space Zelda: I

Space Zelda: I am going to,,, calmly remove myself from this conversation. 

hispanic at the disco: wait hold on

hispanic at the disco: keith

troy boltron: yeah

hispanic at the disco: youre already halfway there

troy boltron: 

troy boltron: what.

hispanic at the dicko: do you seriously think id ever forget the one time you confessed that you usually go commando??? i dont forget deets related to your dick just like that keith.

jimmy neutron:

jimmy neutron: why did you have to phrase it like that 

Mattematical: holy fuck keith that’s genius

jimmy neutron: maTT NO

Mattematical: MATT YES

Space Zelda: I’m back because Shiro suddenly started blushing and I need to know why

hispanic at the disco: read the convo

Space Zelda: Oh!

Space Zelda: LOL

jimmy neutron: am i dreaming

jimmy neutron: or did allura actually write lol

Space Zelda: I did! 

jimmy neutron: holy shit

Space Zelda: Lance is teaching me your Earth abbreviations! 

hispanic at the disco: ;^)

jimmy neutron: lance if you corrupt this precious alien princess i will slaughter you

hispanic at the disco: honestly? i believe you and id let you do it

Gorgeous Man: I know we already went on with the conversation, but I am still quite curious what a Crazy Frog is.

jimmy neutron: jesus christ we dropped that convo on the aliens and then forgot to actually explain it

hispanic at the disco: lm a o  whoops

hispanic at the disco: here he is  [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k85mRPqvMbE)

Gorgeous Man:

Gorgeous Man: I love it!

Space Zelda: What the fuck.

jimmy neutron: SH E  S A I D F U C K

hispanic at the disco: I DI D N T   TE A CH HE R THA T

Space Zelda: Oh no that was Shiro! He swears a lot when you aren’t around. 

hispanic at the disco:

hispanic at the disco: 

jimmy neutron:

hunk the hunk:

troy boltron:

hispanc at the disco: what the fuck.

  
  


troy boltron: hey guys im omw to the castle

jimmy neutron: yo!!

hunk the hunk: !!!!!!!

Mufasa: It’ll be good to have you back for a while kiddo

troy boltron: shiro im 18

Mufasa: A child.

Gorgeous Man: K.

jimmy neutron: lm A O

jimmy neutron: anyway where the fuck is lance

hunk the hunk: in the shower

jimmy neutron: how do you know

hunk the hunk: i passed his room and i heard him sing dancing queen by abba 

hunk the hunk: he only sings that when he’s showering

jimmy neutron: fair

 

troy boltron:  _ @hispanic at the disco _ im almost there, can you come to the hangar and meet me?

hispanic at the disco: no

troy boltron: what

troy boltron: what the fuck do you mean no

hispanic at the disco: i mean no

hispanic at the disco: do you want me to say it in spanish???

hispanic at the disco:  _ no _

troy boltron: i

troy boltron: what

jimmy neutron: not to be that person but lance what the fuck is more important than going to meet your boyfriend

hispanic at the disco: cant come to the hangar if im already there ;^)

jimmy neutron: 

troy boltron: 

hunk the hunk: 

troy boltron: gdi

  
  


jimmy neutron:  _ @Mattematical _

Mattematical: don’t say it

jimmy neutron: hmmm

Mattematical: do nt   s ay it

hunk the hunk: omg what did he do

jimmy neutron: ;^)

Mattematical: dONT YOU SAY IT

jimmy neutron: he walked straight into a wall because shiro  _ distracted _ him

Mattematical: cOME ON

hunk the hunk: did he flex his arm

jimmy neutron: yea

hunk the hunk: been there done that

hispanic at the disco: same

jimmy neutron: y ‘ a l l

Mattematical: he’s iN THE CHAT PIDGE

Mufasa: Who’s in the chat?

Mattematical: no onE

jimmy neutron: you.

Mufasa: I

Mufasa: Okay?

Mufasa: Also, Matt, I saw you walk into that wall are you alright? Sorry for distracting you with whatever I did!

Mattematical: oh hahAH it’s re al ly no problem it’s all good  dw 

jimmy neutron: his nose is bleeding but nothing is broken

Gorgeous Man: Do you need the be in the healing pod a little?

jimmy neutron: nah dw it’s nothing big

jimmy neutron: let him live with the shame for a while

Gorgeous Man: Fair point.

Mattematical: co me  ON

jimmy neutron: ;^)

Mattematical: i can’t believe my Own Sweet Sweet Little Sister

Mattematical: has become Like This

jimmy neutron: lmao

Mattematical: what happened to you pidge

jimmy neutron: i’m fighting an intergalactic war piloting an ancient sentient war lion

Mattematical: point taken.

  
  


< **jimmy neutron** added **hunk the hunk, hispanic at the disco, troy boltron, Space Zelda** and  **Gorgeous Man** to the chat >

 

< **jimmy neutron** named the chat  **i can’t believe we have to make another group chat about pining idiots** >

 

hispanic at the disco: what hold on

hispanic at the disco: what do you mean  _ another  _ group chat

hispanic at the disco:  _ what other group chat _

jimmy neutron: operation iklalwtleomtiwssmitewafplmstgt™

hispanic at the disco:  _ wha  t _

troy boltron: what.

hunk the hunk: the original name was so long so that’s the short version

troy boltron: that’s not fucking short

hunk the hunk: it’s very short compared to the original name

Gorgeous Man: It also means emotional constipation in ancient Altean! :^)

troy boltron: w h a  t

hispanic at the disco: why haven’t i heard of this chat

troy boltron: i’m wondering the same thing

jimmy neutron: since you two are the only people here who haven’t heard of that group chat and it was about pining idiots

jimmy neutron: take an educated guess

hispanic at the disco: keith can’t he got kicked out of school

jimmy neutron: lm AO

troy boltron: and lance can’t because he straight up left the school before he finished his education

hispanic at the disco: fuck youre right

troy boltron: i usually am

hispanic at the disco: he says, while being wrong

troy boltron: fuck you

hispanic at the disco: yes please fuck me

jimmy neutron:  TI ME TO STOP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW 

jimmy neutron: hunk tell them to stop being disgusting

hunk the hunk: lance. keith. stop being disgusting.

Space Zelda: Could we maybe discuss the reason you created this chat instead, Pidge?

jimmy neutron: i want someone to slaughter my brother

Space Zelda: I

Space Zelda: Oh,,?

jimmy neutron: have you heard him speak a strange language lately?

Space Zelda: Oh yes, he has been muttering in another language under his breath a lot, right?

jimmy neutron: yeah that’s right

Gorgeous Man: Would it be correct to assume it’s the same language you speak? 

jimmy neutron: yeah it’s italian

hispanic at the disco: alright so what does matt speaking italian has to do with pining 

jimmy neutron: it’s not the fact that he’s speaking italian

jimmy neutron: it’s  _ what _ he’s saying

hispanic at the disco: omg what has he been saying

jimmy neutron: do you remember when shiro demonstrated how to disarm a robot, quite literally, when he straight up ripped its arms off?

hunk the hunk: god that was hot

hispanic at the disco: agreed

jimmy neutron: yeah well do you remember that matt said something in italian straight to his face while looking kind of amused

hispanic at the disco: i assumed matt insulted him or said some joke

jimmy neutron: he faked

jimmy neutron: he actually said 

jimmy neutron: “you are beautiful, please step on me”

hispanic at the disco:  LM A O NO W AY

jimmy neutron: Y E S  W AY

Space Zelda: Why,,,, would he want Shiro to step on him?

jimmy neutron: some humans say that when they think someone is really hot

jimmy neutron: anyway this has been going on for a while and i’ve realized that matt keeps flirting with shiro and saying cheesy shit to him

jimmy neutron:  _ in a goddamned language that shiro doesn’t understand _

Gorgeous Man: Why would he do that though..?

jimmy neutron: because he is a mess who doesn’t know how to flirt with boys he likes

troy boltron: oh my god end my life

hunk the hunk: asdfghgfd why what’s happening

troy boltron: shiro has been in love with matt since like

troy boltron: well, long before they went of the kerberos mission

jimmy neutron: holy shit how do you know

troy boltron:  _ who do you think he complained about his crush to _

jimmy neutron: LM A O OH MY GOD

troy boltron: he started doing it again when you brought him back btw

troy boltron: i honestly can’t believe this fucking hypocrite messed with me about pining and complaining about my “crush on lance” when  _ he’s  w or s e  _

hispanic at the disco: aww you have a crush on me

hispanic at the disco: thats embarrassing

troy boltron: lance

troy boltron: we’re dating

hispanic at the disco: no need to feel embarrassed tho

hispanic at the disco: i have a crush on you too <3

troy boltron: gdi

jimmy neutron: can the two of you stop being gay for like literally 2 seconds so we can discuss how to make my brother and shiro stop being idiots

hispanic at the disco: cant allura use some good ol’ space magic on them ot make them fall in love

jimmy neutron: that’s not how quintessence works you idiot

hispanic at the disco: me knowing shit about the space magic that powers everything? its less likely than youd think

jimmy neutron: lmao

hispanic at the disco. allura do you have any good ideas on how to make them realize theyre gay and in love??

Space Zelda: Listen, I’m not a magic worker

Space Zelda: Or I mean

Space Zelda: I am

Space Zelda: Technically, I’m indeed a magic worker, but you Know What I Mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked the chapter! i know i'm straying pretty far from canon with this chatfic, which is very unusual for my chatfics, but honestly i just want to make it easy for myself lm a o. the new season made it even harder for me to keep it canon considering how i set things up earlier so w el p i guess y'all will just have to deal with my au or smth. 
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading! comments are Super appreciated. ;^)
> 
> also, don't forget that i have a discord server for my chatfics and other things!! if you wanna join the server family, here's the invite:  
> https://discord.gg/ynx2uZs  
> please remember to read the guidelines as soon as you join and fill out the form linked there!


	9. unexpected obstacles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hispanic at the disco: what the actual fuck

**Mufasa** changed nickname to  **reindeers are better than people**

 

hunk the hunk: wh

hunk the hunk: what

reindeers are better than people: Hej!

hispanic at the disco: ,,,,,yo?

reindeers are better than people: Hur mår ni?

hispanic at the disco: what the actual fuck

troy boltron: ….shiro????

reindeers are better than people: Nej nej, jag heter Sven.

troy boltron: 

troy boltron: shiro if this is some kind of prank it’s a really bad prank

reindeers are better than people: Vem är.. Shiro?

hispanic at the disco:  _ what _

jimmy neutron: IWA TNO HOLD ON

jimmy neutron: is this the fucking

jimmy neutron: sven from the alternative universe

reindeers are better than people: I like to think YOU is from alternative universe

jimmy neutron: i mean. you’re not wrong.

hispanic at the disco: so wait hold on,,,,, this guy?? is the one that is like

hispanic at the disco: shiro,,, but like au shiro

jimmy neutron: yeah i actually think it’s au shiro

reindeers are better than people: Nej, jag sa ju att jag heter Sven.

hunk the hunk: dude we literally don’t understand what you’re saying

hispanic at the disco: yeaH man you just showed that you know english why aren’t you writing in english

reindeers are better than people: I can

reindeers are better than people: But this are more fun

reindeers are better than people: Håller ni inte med?

hunk the hunk: i hate this

reindeers are better than people: Jobbigt läge

hispanic at the disco: i haTE not understaNDING WHAT HE’S SAYING 

hispanic at the disco: pidge Please tell me you hook up some translator to the chat 

jimmy neutron: working on it hold on

jimmy neutron: alright got it

hispanic at the disco: that was unrealistically fast

jimmy neutron: lmao

jimmy neutron: if you hover over the things he writes there should be a translation in english now

hispanic at the disco: woaH that’s fuckin cool tho???

hispanic at the disco: didya see that sven?? we understand what youre saying now

hispanic at the disco: sucks to suck

reindeers are better than people: Vad fan sa du just till mig din lilla jävel?Jag gick ut som bäst i min klass i JSDF Specialförband, och jag har varit involverad i otaligt många hemliga uppdrag mot Al-Qaida, och jag har 300 bekräftade mord. Jag är tränad i gorilla krigföring, och jag är den bästa snipern i hela Specialförbandet. Du är inget än en annan måltavla. Tro mig, för jag kommer förinta dig med en precision som aldrig tidigare skådats i alla verkligheter. Tror du att jag kommer låta dig komma iväg med att säga skit som det där på internet? Tänk om. Medan vi pratat har jag kontaktat mitt nätverk av spioner runt om i galaxen, och din IP adress spåras just nu, så gör dig redo för den kommande stormen. Stormen som kommer annihilera den patetiska sak som du kallar liv. Du är redan död.

hispanic at the disco:

hispanic at the disco: i

 

**reindeers are better than people** changed nickname to  **Mufasa**

 

Mufasa:

Mufasa: What the fuck just happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy april fools my dudes!!!
> 
> btw if you didn't realize it: when pidge said you could see translations if you hoverw your mouse over sven's text, it applies to y'all as well, not just lance lmao (you obviously have to be on computer tho)
> 
> this is probably my worst april fools joke in a fanfic but i hope it at least was unexpected
> 
> also, even though i know OG sven is norwegian, the legendary defender sven isn't confirmed to be norwegian, just scandinavian, so gave myself the freedom to let him be swedish in this fic because i'm swedish and i don't know enough norwegian to translate an entire shitpost lmAO.

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna hmu my tumblr is [Powerhh](http://powerhh.tumblr.com/)
> 
> comments are always super appreciated!!!


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